Not sending thank you cards

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

littlemisspetite :  Aussie Bee here too!

 

I have never received a thank you card, not for baby shower, wedding, bridal shower. 

I didn’t even know they were a HUGE/TACKY thing to skip before I was on the Bee.

 

So strange! aha

Post # 19
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

Only a couple of times (maybe three?) have we not recieved a thank you card for a wedding gift and I’ve attended several different cultures and religious wedding ceremonies in my time. So I do not believe thank you cards are tied to a certain group or ethnicity. For me it is just plain old good manners.

We promptly sent them out as soon as we were back from the honeymoon. Both of us wrote in them. He did his side and I signed his note and vice versa. In our case we bought them in the matching set at the same time as we bought the wedding invites.

Post # 22
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

A wedding is a formal event, and a wedding gift deserves a formal handwritten thank-you note–personal and detailed. As Miss Manners says, when gratitude goes out of style, generosity goes out of style.

Post # 23
Member
11970 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Thank you notes are not a generational or regional thing. They are a considerate, grateful, and polite person thing. In today’s day and age ignorance is no excuse. 

Post # 25
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t think it’s a big deal for what it’s worth. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t need a hand written personalised thank you note to know my friends are grateful for what I do for them. We speak regularly, by phone, and in person. To me that’s much more special than a card that’s going to be put out for a few days and then chucked. I don’t need this proof of their gratitude to know it’s there. 

People work, have families and lives, planning a wedding is hectic and time consuming, people want to relax afterwards, I would be horrified to find my friends spent weeks after their wedding stressing and ensuring they did this just to get a piece of paper in the post to me, to prove their gratitude. Usually they’ll thank me in person for attending on the night, and call me to thank me for a gift after it has been opened. 

Out of the 6 or so weddings I’ve been to in the past couple of years, I’d say I’d received about 2 thank you cards. Neither was expected or necessary. 

Post # 26
Hostess
8420 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

What!? That is insane, I would be so angry if someone couldn’t be bothered to write a thank you note. 

Post # 27
Hostess
8420 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

What!? That is insane, I would be so angry if someone couldn’t be bothered to write a thank you note. 

Post # 28
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: London

I was Maid/Matron of Honor back in the summer and spent a lot on presents for the couple, the bride specifically and also on just being there for the amount of time she wanted. 

I never heard anything until Christmas when she said they were only sending Thank You cards to people who got them a “proper” present…..ie sent them money. 

 

I was pretty hurt as i had givebn what i could but it felt like that wasnt good enough. I never got any kind of thank you, verbally, in the form of a token gift, nothing. 

I was always rasied to send thank you cards for birthdays and christmas so it feels really rude not to at all for something as big as a wedding. 

Post # 29
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

When I first saw this post my knee jerk reaction was yes, it’s rude. But I feel that this has been engrained in my mind since birth that I’m so used to expect others to do this. When I stop to think if it really matters to me, well, it depends. I always received thank yous and I went to a decent amount of wedding in my 20s. Now that I’m older, I go to fewer weddings (the next one I’m going to is my own haha!) and I feel weddings I’m more likely to go to now are close friends so if I didn’t get a card I don’t think I’d be too miffed about it because they would likely have us over or pick up the meal next time we all went out. If I were someone I didn’t see too often, I would hope for a card. But if its someone that I see frequently then I don’t know if its that big a deal. FWIW I’m sending thank yous to everyone within 3 weeks of our wedding.

I will share one story. My cousin got married several years ago and was maybe 32 at the time. To make a long story short, he’s lazy. His marriage only lasted a year, which I had a gut feeling about when I received the invitation. I didn’t attend the wedding but I sent a gift. Within a month I received a thank you note. It was in my cousin’s handwriting and all he wrote on the inside of the card was “Thanks for the gift!”. There was no “Sierra, thanks for thinking of us. Thanks for the gift! Regards, Mark” It was literally, just 4 words with no salutation or anything. I think he just wrote it over and over on all the cards so that there was no extra effort needed. It was just comical and sadly just like my cousin.

Post # 30
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I have been to a few weddings that have not sent thank you notes. I have no idea how she can justify it by saying she doesn’t want to spend more money on the wedding. You likely got a few hundred if not THOUSANDS of dollars from your guests in gifts, you can’t spend $40 on notes and stamps? I mean come on. 

We hand wrote thank you notes for every single gift recieved from our 120 guests. Within about 3 weeks of the wedding. I cannot fathom not sending thank you notes. It is so beyond tacky!

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