Not sending thank you cards

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

personaperson :  What if they’re people coming in from out of town who you won’t see for awhile? Or heck, even if they’re someone who lives in the same town who you won’t see in awhile. I know I always worry that the recipient didn’t actually receive my gift if I don’t get some sort of confirmation.

Post # 47
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Lawd I would have been disowned if I didnʻt send thank you cards for Christmas, Birthdays, let alone my wedding. I spent HOURS making sure I had the list right for who gifted what, who threw/attended what, etc, so that the thank you cards that I spent DAYS on would mention the exact effort I was given by individuals. It feels like the right thing to do. I wasnʻt entitled to their time and money, they gave me those things out of love, I should acknowlege that.

Post # 48
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

I flew all the way to GREECE for a wedding in September last year and did not recieve a thank you. The couple asked for no gifts but we did spend thousands of dollars to be there. I couldn’t beleive that they didn’t send one. There was only like 40 guest. Mind you this was the couple that had the entire glossy magazine as a save the date and the nicest wedding invitation I have ever seen! They couldn’t take the effort to write thank you for coming?

Post # 49
Member
3938 posts
Honey bee

michelleh0686 :  I think it’s a cop-out in the extreme to say the stress of a wedding and hectic lives make thank you notes too difficult. Everyone has stress, everyone has things going on, not just the bride and groom. But if someone has taken the time to buy a gift, that deserves formal acknowledgement. I firmly believe that people who don’t write thank you notes are more entitled and unpleasant and haven’t been raised properly. 

And yes, I judge, too bad so sad. I am happy to say that I’ve received thank you notes for all the events to which I’ve brought gifts. The couples range in income level, so it has nothing to do with money. It’s all about Class, and class is not dependent on income. It’s the atmosphere in which the individual was raised. A lot of people these days have been brought up to feel that they deserve gifts, people owe them obeisance. My SIL didn’t have her kids write thank you notes until my daughter started writing them at the age of 4. Overindulged kids turn into entitled adults.

Post # 50
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

In my area it’s pretty standard to send thank you notes within a few months. I was a little taken aback by my best friend’s aunt’s wedding – our families are extremely close, I attended her bachelorette and my fiance and I were invited to their ceremony only (they did a small reception for immediate family and friends) – we got them a lovely hundred-dollar bottle of whiskey but never received a verbal or paper thank you for. It’s been 10 months and I’ve seen the brides several times since.

Post # 51
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sunburn :  i agree. why are people so damn lazy these days? its not going to kill you to write a damn thank you note. seems really immature and selfish to me

Post # 52
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

missviolet92 :  I couldn’t attend my cousin’s wedding so I sent them a really nice knife set with a personal note of congratulations that set me back like $200, and never received a thank you from them. It was super rude to me and definitely rubbed me the wrong way. When I got engaged I didn’t get a congrats from them either. 

Post # 53
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

It would be almost impossible to handwrite a thank you note to all 800 guests. We thank guests during the speech and in person at the wedding.

Post # 54
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

allthatsparkle13 :  Agreed; I think we will do emails to most people and cards to some older adults who don’t have email. And if course in-person thanks when I see them. 

Post # 55
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

It may be a ‘how you were raised’ thing.  My shower hasnt happened yet and I’ve sent thank yous for the 3 gifts we’ve received, sent thank yous to our parents and siblings for their help with bigs things like moving a few months back.  

My grandmother told me that if we didnt send thank yous, we’d stop getting gifts (and she followed thru with that threat to a few cousins).  Either way, I know people are working hard to make things happen for us and I want to make sure they get thanked and feel appreciated… *Also how my mother raised me. 

Post # 56
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

malayna :  cop out. totally. its not your guests fault that you invited that many people. each of those people/couples deserves a personal thank you from you. sure, it may take you a bit longer to get it done but it needs to be done.

Post # 57
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

sunburn :  I agree not saying thank you for receiving a gift is wrong, I never once said I wouldn’t say thank you for receiving a gift but I also said I think a thank you over the phone or face to face is to me more personal, and what I will be doing. 

Feel free to judge me, each to their own, but I have never once written a thank you card, however, I have called friends or seen them in person, a few days later after every birthday or Christmas present  and thanked them personally then. I much prefer to speak to people. It’s not about cost, its that when I regularly speak or see people I nor my friends see the need. Does that mean I’m ungrateful or entitled? I don’t think so because I’ve already thanked people personally, they have seen my smile at the thought of their gift, or heard the gratitude in my voice, it’s much more personal than a card that has in my opinion zero emotion or heart behind it whereas a phone call does.

Post # 59
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

I’m also from NZ but I have never received a thank you card from any of the weddings I have attended. Maybe it’s more of a social circle thing.

 

I didn’t send any thank you cards, but I did make sure to meet up with every guest after the wedding and buy them a meal to thank them. We just thought that would be better then cards but after reading the comments here maybe I should’ve have just sent cards instead? 

Post # 60
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

OhHoney :  Taking them out for a meal sounds lovely, and much better than a card. My cousin is hosting a thank you brunch which they are footing the bill for after their wedding instead of cards, I think it’s a lovely gesture.

I find cards quite impersonal and much prefer the personal approach of actually speaking to people in person, but that’s apparently a massive no no because it’s not an inanimate piece of folded cardboard that I’ve written in. 🙄

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