Not sending thank you cards

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

missviolet92 :  i’m 25 years old, So yes young. I also wouldn’t even know what tradtional includes. So i’d say no, probably not.

 

I DO (now I know about thank you cards) believe that they are a wonderful thing to send out and be apart of receiving, so one day when it’s my turn I will be doing them for everyone.

Post # 63
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

missviolet92 :  We had 4 guests from Australia, whom we had brunch with the following morning after the wedding. All the other guests were from Auckland so we mostly met them within 1-2 months after the wedding. We got married in December so a lot of the guests also went for a holiday few days after our wedding, so we met each of them separately. We had a small wedding of 60 guests. 

Post # 64
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

Living in Spain and ‘thank you’ cards are completely unheard of. In fact any type of card is just not really a think (birthday cards, christmas cards etc), they aren’t really card people. 

After any Spanish wedding I have been to we have had a phone call to say thanks for money (in Spain it’s always money as a gift) or we get an informal but very personal text message, like a ‘wow, thanks so much for the money! so generous of you. How are you? How is *insert SO’s name* after all those jaggerbombs at the wedding?’

 

Post # 65
Member
718 posts
Busy bee

worriedbeehere11 :  Yeah, I’m also pretty sure that thank you cards are unheard of in much of the rest of the world that isn’t western and Anglophile.

Gratitude for gifts is universal, but a written thank you note is a cultural tradition that is extremely geography specific. 

Post # 66
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I’m from Australia. Thank you cards also aren’t much of a thing growing up having seen my parents attend weddings and my having attended weddings as well. I’ve had one bride give me a birthday slash thank you gift after her wedding which was really lovely (I was in the bridal party) but I’ve never expected anything and don’t judge people on it.

Honestly, I get more riled up about people not giving me an acknowledgement wave when driving and I let them into my lane or give them way on a narrow street. 

Post # 67
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I’m from South America but married an American. I had no idea thank you notes even existed, we just thank people in person or by phone. 

My husband insisted on sending out thank you cards for his guests so instead of calling my guest we sent them thank you cards. My parents were pretty pissed that we did that since that’s unheard of and comes off as very cold and impersonal (even though we personalized each of them)

In my country people thank each other in person or by phone. Cards (birthday, wedding or any other occasion are not the norm). I LOVE the cards aisle in grocery stores since that’s new for me. 

When sending the notes (which haven’t arrived yet – overseas mail ugh) I had this horrible gut feeling that I was being rude and distant to my family by thanking them in writing as opposed to calling them. Hopefully nobody will care and will appreciate the novelty of a card. I did call my friends and thanked them tho. 

 

Post # 69
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

A formal gift deserves a formal (handwritten, detailed, personalized) response–mailed with a stamp on it. Within two weeks. And two days is better.

Not sending a real thank-you note is like any other breach of etiquette–not inviting SOs, a four-hour gap, running out of food, a cash bar, pretending your vow renewal is a wedding–people may not tell you they were offended, but they’ll tell each other, they’ll remember, and it will effect your relationships with them from then on. Like, say, presents for your baby shower. I wouldn’t send one to someone who hadn’t thanked me properly for a wedding gift.

Post # 70
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

cassandra7 :  just like any type of etiquette, it changes from one culture to another. I’m in Spain and it’s rude to walk in an office in the morning WITHOUT shouting ‘Buenos dias’ to everyone in the room…regardless of if they’re mid conversation or doing something else. My first few days I walked in and would see everyone was busy, say a little hello to the few people who I saw on the way to my desk and then sit down…..that is rude in Spain! The amount of people who were offended that I didn’t announce ‘good day’ to the whole room. 

In Spain if you give a thank you card it is seen as cold and would probably offend people. Spanish people love being affectionate and warm, and would much rather have me say thank you in person with 2 kisses on each check and a hug. 

Post # 71
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Truly. That’s really interesting. I was only speaking for what I assume to be the dominant culture of this board, that of the United States.

Post # 72
Member
3924 posts
Honey bee

personaperson :  It only feels pro forma if it’s not personalized. But personalization takes effort, which you find “irritating”. I never found it irritating to be polite and thank someone for their generosity. And there are people at weddings you may not see for a long time in order to thank them in person.

P.S It’s spelled moratorium and pro forma is two words, not one. The Romans weren’t big on hyphenation.

Post # 73
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i too agree now a days a simple email or text would suffice enough for me personally. I typically dont hold onto any mail that isnt bills. So in a way yeah its kinda a waste of paper…. 

weddingmaven :  People took the time to pick a gift you would like or spent money on it and a thank you should reflect some proportional effort on your part. 

i only agree partially to this, i got A LOT of towels as a wedding gift, and i only registered for like two sets… I want to say it took all of 5 seconds to order towels off the internet. And i wont lie i cant count how many weddings ive been to where i took some money out of my wallet and shoved it in an envelope the day or hour before the wedding. 

Unless its family or a super close friend, i probably dont spend days looking for a wedding gift. 

 

Post # 74
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know but maybe people that feel it unnecessary to write a thank you card for a wedding present etc are the same people that will pay more attention to their cell phone than the person across the table from them or the meal that has been placed in front of them. The same people that don’t acknowledge that a door has been held open for them and just glide on by without a nod or smile or thanks and never consider keeping a door open for the person right behind them. 

I personally think the more manners we let slide, the less respect we have for those around us and the more selfish we become.

We wanted our guests carry away good memories from our wedding and feel like they had been part of something special, for us that started at the invite and ended when they recieved a personal note thanking them for coming to share the day and for the gift they were kind enough to present us with.

Post # 75
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - Asbury Park

I went to a wedding 2 years ago where the couple didn’t send thank you notes… I’ve been to dozens of weddings and never *not* received one. Super tacky. They proceeded to get pregnant like 4 months later and I didn’t go to the baby shower. I bought one of the cheaper gifts from the registry and had it sent directly to them – not sure if they got it because SURPRISE no thank you for that either. Even a text would have been nice. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors