Not sending thank you cards

posted 8 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Kslim13 :   How much time and effort did that person spend and make to earn the money they spent on all those towels? Time is money. Which they can no longer save or spend on themselves. I think that’s worthy of acknowledgement and consideration. 

Post # 77
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

weddingmaven :  for towels? No more then 30 bucks at best with a click of an buy order button off Amazon. 

Dont have any issue with online buying cause lets face it a lot of people online shop, but in this day and age i think most people dont physically go shopping for a wedding gift unless under certain circumstances or they enjoy the physically shopping part. 

Again i agree with sending a thank you of some form. But I wouldnt be upset if I didnt physically get a thank you card and received the thank in some other form/way.

Post # 78
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Kslim13 :  Maybe that’s all they can afford right now. Regardless, I don’t think it’s right to judge people by the amount they spend or to treat someone who gives a modest gift any differently than the person who gives something more expensive. 

Post # 79
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee

desiderata :  Yes! At its heart it’s a very selfish, self-obsessed mindset. The feelings of others are unimportant. It’s all about meeee!

Post # 80
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I honestly don’t understand the indignance. How is it rude to not send a thank you card when a bride and groom have spent money on throwing a party and feeding their guests (often spending a greater sum on them per head than the gift they receive in return)? Thanking them at the wedding should really suffice. Whilst a nice gesture, I would never judge a couple for not sending a thank you card unless there was something else about their behaviour that came off as entitled. sunburn :  

Post # 81
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

I assume this girl is from  different culture and so are her guests? If so and thank you cards aren’t customary in their culture, why is it offensive to you? 

Honestly I’ve never heard of this concept before I came to Australia. My Asian friends who got married (whether they live here in Australia or in another country) have never sent thank you cards. So yes the girl from work is probably right, it might just be a “white people” thing.

That being said, doesn’t mean we won’t be sending out thank you cards to people we think would understand and appreciate getting one, maybe just not to some of my relatives who will just be confused by why they’re getting a card weeks after the wedding and what it means. In turn, it’s cutomary in our culture for the brides’ parents to take her relatives out for a meal after the wedding to thank them. So that’s up to my parents.

Post # 82
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I sent out thank you cards as it was expected, but I don’t care if I receive them. As long as the person thanks me in some way, be it text or a phone call or in person, I’m fine with that. The thank you card goes straight in the trash after I read it anyway so why not save the paper and postage?

Post # 83
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I am a relic of 63 but I do get a warm feeling when I get a thank you note after giving a gift. 

Two weddings I attended, I didn’t get a note. One was where the bride sped up the timing so her dying mother could see her get married. Then the poor lady died while the couple was on their honeymoon. The bride spent the 2 years of her marriage in a state of depression, so no note there. No surprise, then they broke up. 

Then the other one, we gave a $200 gift card. No note for that one. They split up after about 4 months of living together, with one baby, and another one born 6 months later. Wasn’t expecting a note on that one though. They split because they had to find somewhere to live after getting kicked out of their apartment for non payment of rent. They couldn’t find a place together, so they separated and never got around to getting back together. 

My niece sent all her thank you notes within about 6 months each of her wedding shower, wedding, and baby shower. They are busy too, a plumber and a social worker. Not the least bit wealthy, but they managed to find the time and the money for thank you notes. 

The only kind of wedding gift I ever give is a check, in a card. That way the drunk guests cannot raid the card box for cash (which I saw, at a wedding with a cash bar). And if the check is cashed I know they got it. 

Post # 84
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

danakxox :  I was raised by a mother who would ask me, every day, after I got a gift, if I had written a thank you note yet. 

I wrote them to shut her up. But I appreciated the reason why, to thank someone for doing something for me that they didn’t have to do. 

Post # 86
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

DanaWeddingGuest :  this was my life too growing up. Hated it then but so thankful now! Most of my thank you’s are out and I’m 5 weeks married. Still a handful more to write. I have always appreciated thank you notes. But I love paper cards and handwriting and snail mail so thats me. There’s just something powerful about recieving something physical like that in this digital world.

Post # 87
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I had a destination wedding in August 2018. I never sent thank you cards (although I believe you have a year to do so). We did not register for gifts, and we did not ask for money since guests were traveling to our wedding. However I did give every guest a welcome gift bag of various items along with a thank you note inside that was delivered to their rooms during their stay. I felt sending a thank you card afterwards would have been redundant.

 

Post # 88
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee

DanaWeddingGuest :  In my case it was my grandmother who started me writing thank you notes. (My parents were too busy fighting with each other to attend to such mundane issues) She told me that she didn’t see the point of getting me a present if I couldn’t be bothered to write a note thanking her. It made perfect sense to me at age 7 and I wrote them for everything after that. 

Post # 89
Member
2033 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve been to at least twenty weddings as well as many bridal showers and baby showers.  Only one wedding I did not receive a thank you card and I’ll always remember that.  I find the baby showers a little hit or miss on thank you cards. I have a lot of cousins with bunches of kids and multiple baby showers that don’t send thank you cards.  I think they should but I’m not going to boycott giving them gifts or spending time with them over it. 

Post # 90
Member
2033 posts
Buzzing bee

If you didn’t receive gifts you’re good, I think the gift bags would be seen as a thank you for making the trip.  

msmanchoo78 :  

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