Not sleeping in bed together every night

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
275 posts
Helper bee

We don’t sleep apart, but I sleep nekkid. Hubby will sometimes, but usually just goes for boxers. 

Post # 3
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

milwaukee33 :  That’s simple, tell him. A lot of people fall asleep watching television so I don’t think it’s intentional. 

Keep in mind that everyone doesn’t not want to cuddle all night, but the one on one time before sleep can be special. 

Post # 4
258 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been sleeping naked for as long as I can remember. 

Post # 5
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We always go to bed together, and with time given for cuddling and talking, etc. We also sleep naked. 

Post # 6
3490 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

We both sleep with clothes on. We usually go to bed near the same time as each other during the week,  but have pretty different sleep routines over the weekend and he’s usually in bed long before I am. 

Post # 7
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We usually go to bed the same time but sleep with clothes on, with a child in the house it is rather important to be covered up.  

Post # 8
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We usually go to bed at the same time and watch TV there. He can sleep through anything. Now with the baby, he does sleep in the other room on the nights he works. This is only because the baby is still waking up and he works in a hospital so his sleep is mandatory. Otherwise – we sleep in the same room. We usually sleep with clothes on. 

Post # 9
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Sleeping together in the same bed is important. But sleep is more important. If the reason one of uou sleeps elsewhere is because of sleep needs and differing times in getting up, then that makes complete sense to me and isn’t a red flag at all.  There are many other ways to feel close and build intimacy. I don’t like the feeling of touching someone else while sleeping, so it’s not like we are cuddling while sleeping or anything and probably wouldn’t matter if we were in separate beds for the actual sleeping part.

If you are doing it because you don’t want to be close to each other, that might be an indication of larger issues in your marriage. 

Post # 10
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We sleep together probably 80% of the time. Sometimes Darling Husband snores, so I move to the guest room. Sleep is more important to me than anything!! 

Post # 11
755 posts
Busy bee

We sleep in the same bed. I go to bed first and he comes up much later because I need more sleep. Sometimes he’ll come up when I do and were hug for a bit then he goes downstairs. 

We usually sleep naked. For the most part. I wear underwear sometimes.

Post # 12
6672 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow, neither of us can stand sleeping naked.  On those occasions where maybe I don’t have a top, I hate having my skin stick together and I know husband is the same.  Even shorts annoy me if I’m not keeping up with shaving well.

Regarding bedtimes, I won’t go to sleep if my husband isn’t coming in b/c inevitably he’ll walk in just as I’m nodding off and wake me.  I do often have to ‘harass’ him to get to bed, though as he’s easily distracted on his computer.  Going to sleep separately is so rare – days my pregnancy gives me bad heartburn and I sleep on the recliner (only once so far), says his allergies were kicking in too hard and he slept in his car (weird, I know but that was when we first moved in and he wasn’t sure it wasn’t the house doing it to him)

Post # 13
732 posts
Busy bee

We work opposite shifts most of the time, so rarely sleep at night together. No big deal, certainly no lack of intimacy here.

Post # 14
6309 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

If you feel that it’s important to get more cuddle time in, then I think that’s something you should prioritize with your husband. I don’t think the not sleeping together is as detrimental as falling asleep in front of the television on a couch. That’s not really conducive to deep, restful sleep. 

I’m not big on cuddling, personally, and I really don’t like being touched when I’m sleeping. My husband cracked me up because he told me that just last week, while I was sleeping, he tried to gently caress me and I bellowed, “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME. I’M SLEEPING GODDAMMIT.” I only vaguely remembered doing that but it gave me a good laugh to hear the story.

My husband and I do not sleep together every night because we don’t live together full time; it works really well for us. He sleeps fully naked. I sleep in a long loose top, only.

Post # 15
392 posts
Helper bee

For me personally sleeping in bed together is super important. 

My husband  and I have had really bad times in our marriage and even seperated  for a while, and when I look back on those bad times that’s something that stands out to me. I had our child in bed with me and he fell asleep watching tv in the living room every night. I’m not saying that alone makes a marriage bad, just that it was a factor for us and we make sure it doesn’t happen anymore. 

I used to sleep naked, Darling Husband never did. Now we both wear pj’s. 

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