Not sleeping in bed together every night

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We rarely don’t go to sleep together. We have a routine. We both sleep with some clothes on. 

Post # 32
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

When we go to bed at the same time, we sleep separately because I’m a light sleeper and Darling Husband snores. If we’re in the same bed I go to sleep an hour or so beforehand.

Personally I’d be a bit annoyed if my husband was falling asleep on the couch instead of making an effort to come to bed, even if I’m already asleep. I’d love to be able to share a bed every night. But sometimes sleeping apart happens and you just make time for cuddles, on the couch maybe or in the morning.

Post # 33
1128 posts
Bumble bee

If you are both happy with how things are I don’t see why you should change things. It is not essential for every couple to cuddle in bed together each evening and doesn’t make you less of a couple. 

Of course, if it is something you do want to do then you should talk to him.

We both sleep in pjs, I have literally never slept naked and can’t imagine doing – especially with cats in the bed!!

Post # 34
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

A good compromise is for the person who is going to stay up late to “tuck in” the other one.  Spend some time cuddling in bed together then whoever’s not sleepy can go off.  I work nights and my husband works days and this works great for us, especially the two nights a week I have off as sometimes I’m just not sleepy when he’s ready to go to bed.

Post # 35
3231 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We sleep in the same bed every night, but I go to bed way earlier than him and I’d breathe fire if he woke me up to cuddle. He sometimes sleeps naked, I wear pjs. 

Post # 36
4594 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First, there’s not really a “right” way to do this, but you should talk to him if it’s important to you.

Darling Husband and I usually go to bed at the same time, but sometimes DH’s class schedule or other events will make one of us come home much later, so it’s not EVERY night. As for sleepwear- we both sleep in everything from naked to full coverage pjs. 

Post # 37
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We usually watch a tv show in bed before we go to sleep.  After the show is over we turn off the tv and go to sleep.  There isn’t much cuddling or anything, but we always go to bed together, at the same time.  We are on the same work schedule, so it works for us.

He wears boxers to sleep in, and I have pjs.

Post # 38
236 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance is home 3 days a week. He stays up later than I do and then once he comes to bed he starts snoring so 80% of the time I move to the guest room. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I also hate being touched while I sleep, he is like a furnace and I hate it when he tries to cuddle, I get so overheated. 

He sleeps in boxers, I sleep in a shirt and underwear. I hate sleeping naked.

Post # 39
32 posts

I work night shift for the past 4 months and my boyfriend works day shift. We live together. He usually does overtime so I only get to see him 1-2 hrs before I have to go to work. Personally I think my schedule is garbage and we are seldom intimate anymore. I can’t find a job anywhere else. They won’t let me change shifts. It’s a relationship killer. 

Post # 40
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

Darling Husband and I rarely go to bed at the same time, we often have different days off and he’s a night owl and I’m a morning person. Still lots of intimacy. And maybe I’m in the minority, but I don’t like cuddling really close in bed, it’s nothing personal, I’m just a restless twitchy sleeper, I’d rather cuddle when we’re both awake watching a movie on the sofa. 

Post # 41
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I totally understand the falling asleep while watching TV thing. I go to sleep earlier than Fiance, so usually I fall asleep cuddling or with my head on his lap while we’re both watching TV in the living room. When he’s ready to go to bed, he wakes me up and we both head to our bedroom together.

The cuddle time is important to us but the “where” – not so much. Find what works for you!

As for clothes, I’m practically always naked in our house lol. He usually sleeps with boxers.

Post # 42
2310 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

We go to bed at the same time every night. It’s something we started doing when we first moved in, and 3+ years later, we still do it. I need more sleep, so I try to get us into bed around 1030 or 11pm. He likes to stay up later, but goes to bed with me when I’m tired. 


Post # 43
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We always sleep together (unless someone is traveling) even if we don’t go to bed at the same time (although I do get kind of grumpy if he wakes me up when coming to bed). I work 8-5 and he works 10-7, so I often go to bed earlier. Generally I sleep in PJ shorts and a tank top, and he sleeps in boxers.

Post # 44
4191 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I agree with the PP who said the person who stays up later can tuck in the person who goes to bed earlier.  DH is a night owl and I’m NOT so every night he goes into our room and we get ready for bed and he tucks me in and snuggles with me then when I’m almost asleep he sneaks away to do whatever weird night owly stuff he gets up to.  I sleep like a rock, so I never hear him. Sometimes I put a sleep mask on and he lies next to me and reads his book till he falls asleep. I wake up earlier than him. If I have to go to work I just get up and get ready and kiss him before I leave. If I don’t have to work I usually lie there and read or scroll the internet just to have some time close to him. We have definitely figured out what works for us even though we sleep pretty different schedules. And we both sleep naked.  Clothes would drive us crazy. 

Post # 45
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We always sleep in the same bed and go to bed at the same time about 98% of the time. I sleep in underwear only, nothing on top, and he sleeps in underwear or naked. Usually underwear though. 

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