Post # 1
Hey there bees, I need advice!
I have 5 bridesmades and 1 Maid/Matron of Honor. My Maid/Matron of Honor has not been involved in my wedding planning at all. Only about twice has she asked how the planning was going. I know it’s not her job to help plan but she hasn’t supported me at all. Granted, she has been going through personal and professional issues. I was waiting for her to come around but she never has. I would have asked her to step down but she has already purchased the gown.
I can’t imagine her being the one to stand by my side when I am marrying the man of my dreams. What do I do? I’m trying to be mature and stand by my (poor) choice of choosing her but I’d rather have someone else in her place.
Post # 2
Has she been a good friend to you, wedding planning aside? Sounds like she has a lot going on for her right now which may be stressful. Have you specifically asked her to help you in your wedding planning?
Post # 3
I don’t see any problem here. She isn’t doing anything wrong, nor is she not doing anything that she is required to do as a Maid/Matron of Honor. You need to lower your expectations of her as your wedding planning buddy.
Post # 4
If you know she has been going through some personal and professional issues I think you should cut her some slack. You’re right that she does not need to help plan and I don’t really understand the issue with her only asking about the planning twice. Two of my BMs didn’t ask at all- doesn’t mean they don’t care. They just have their own stuff going on. What do you mean she hasn’t supported you? She doesn’t approve of the wedding? How do you expect her to support you?
Post # 5
Do you want her to step down because she hasn’t helped you plan a one time event that is only a HUGE event to you? Or because in general she’s not a good friend to you?
Post # 6
Yeah if she’s having personal and professional issues, you need to cut her some slack. She’s not being rude to you, she’s focused on her own life. You really want to start getting bitter and resentful over her putting herself first?
Post # 6
I don’t know what’s wrong here?<br /><br />You say that wedding planning isn’t her job, but you wanted to ask her to step down because she didn’t offer to help?<br /><br />This is your wedding, and I don’t doubt that you love her and have some form of a good friendship with her because otherwise you’d never have asked her to be your maid of honor.<br /><br />You’re thinking too much into this and expecting too much. It’s your wedding, her job is to stand there beside you. She’s supported you in friendship I assume, so there’s your support.
Post # 8
I would want to know if I was her, if you were thinking things like this. I wouldn’t want a friend that would dump me as a maid of honor because she doesnt feel I’ve read her mind well enough. Why did you ask her? Was it because you thought she’d be super involved? Or because she is your best friend? Tell her how you feel, she might be relieved to get away from you.
Post # 9
Hyperventilate: doeydo: +1000000
Just because she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t mean that she has to plan your wedding with you. In fact, it’s YOUR job to plan it. Maybe she isn’t as excited as some people would be. So what? Are you an adult? Can you handle people not wanting to do cartwheels over wedding dresses or flower arrangements? Even MOH’s are entitled to their own degree of indifference. It could be worse- she could be pushy and opinionated and overbearing.
Maybe you could fire her and hold a casting call for the Maid/Matron of Honor who would care enough? Maybe you could interview highly-qualified candidates on what exactly they will do for you and your wedding, aside from buying a dress, planning your parties, and listen to you drone on about flowers and “colors” for a year? Maybe I’m being a little too sarcastic? Probably. Maybe you are being the bad friend (and a little selfish to boot)? Probably.
Post # 10
Thanks all for your feedback. It sounds like I am being too sensitive. Since she is my best friend, I will cut her some slack and give her my honest opinion when she asks (she did admit to being a bad friend “right now”). I guess I just imagined that it would be this huge deal for us to both share and plan since she’s always been so supportive in the past. And it’s not just the planning that got me down, for a time, she wouldn’t even answer when I asked how she was doing.
Post # 11
If your Maid/Matron of Honor has been a great friend to you otherwise, asking her to step down when she has some difficulties in her life wouldn’t be very kind of you. It just seems like your Maid/Matron of Honor is lost in her own head just now.
Post # 12
I don’t think that you Maid/Matron of Honor is your wedding planner.. She’s your friend. If she’s going through a rough time, it would make sense to be there for her instead of wanting to kick her out of your wedding.
Post # 13
PinkerBelle: She’s asked how your wedding planning was going, she’s bought the dress, all the while going through her own personal and professional issues and you want her to step down because she’s not as super excited for you as you expected?
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
She’s asked you twice how the planning is going. You acknowledge it’s not her job to plan. Yet somehow, this maps out onto you being unable to imagine her standing up for you at your wedding because …. why? Because she’s not reading your mind about trying to plan things you don’t view it as her job to plan anyway? Because she’s focused on her own personal and professional issues so she can be a stable, responsible mature friend and have the cash/ability to attend your wedding?
I’m not sure how you actually see this gaming out. Does she need to offer more often so you can tell her not to worry about it more often?
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
coffeedrinker: I’m picturing a no-holds-barred reality show – “Who Wants To Plan My Wedding”?