(Closed) Not so honorable…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
36 posts
Newbee

You don’t need to cut her some slack. You need to be grateful you have any friends at all. Your responose to all of is like a non-apology apology. If someone isn’t responding when you ask her how she’s doing it might be because she is at that very moment so drained she can’t get out of bed. Ever been through that? Had so much stress and problems that you don’t want to get out of bed? Maybe if you had you would be more understanding. If everyone is saying it’s you, it’s you. God I feel sorry for your friend. She seems to be having problems in every area of her life and you want to boo her off your wedding? That’ll get her back. Go you. 

Post # 17
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You said she is going through some tough personal and professional issues.  Why would she really care about your wedding when she is having serious problems in her life?  It doesn’t sound like you are being a very good friend to her, to be honest. 

Post # 18
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s things like this that make me always say no to being in a wedding party! 

Post # 19
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The duties of a Maid/Matron of Honor or a Bridesmaid or Best Man are to show up in the dress on time and sober. They are not your wedding planner, your personal slave, etc.   You are in charge of your wedding.  If you can not handle it, it is too big a wedding.   If I were  BM and the bride kicked out or demoted the Maid/Matron of Honor, I would be very uncomfortable. 

Post # 20
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Have you ever thought that maybe you’re not being a supportive friend to her? It’s not all about you and your wedding. 

 

It’s really disturbing how so many brides treat their bridesmaids/MOH like props. Oh Susan isn’t happy enough for me so I’m going to boot her out. Oh heather isn’t supportive enough so I’ll replace her. Why even ask these girls to be apart of such a huge event in your life if they’re so easily replaceable?

I see this a lot on the bee & other wedding sites. 

Post # 21
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

PinkerBelle:  I’m not understanding what “slack” you will cut her. I think that’s also a pretty crappy mindset to have. Listen, you asked for honesty and you are getting it- you aren’t being “sensitive”, you’re being selfish. This girl is your bestie? Jesus, when my life is crappy, my bestie appears with snacks and movies and wine and makes me go out and listens to me. She doesn’t stop inviting me to parties because I suck to be around. Girl, you need to get that bride-brain together and snap out of it.

rachel85:  I’m really curious why no one has thought of this yet. Ha!

Post # 22
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

PinkerBelle:  this is a bit ridiculous. I get that a wedding is a once in a lifetime event. But why is it that brides all over the world get to feel entitled? YOU are getting married, not your friend, not your bridesmaids. I’m sure they are all thrilled that you’re going to get hitched, but don’t mistake their indifference for being a bad friend. The other thing too is that you can’t expect people to step up to the plate when you haven’t asked them to.  No one is a mind reader. Honestly, if your friend is going through some stuff, then you should be a good friend and understand. It was rude and selfish of you to even consider firing her and dubbing her “the bad friend” for not being able to to participate in YOUR wedding Planning. Honestly, hire a wedding planner…that’s what they’re paid to do. 

Post # 23
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

PinkerBelle:  I can see why you would be disappointed, you asked your bestie to be your maid of honour and then she isn’t as in to it as you’d hoped. You probably wanted lots of girly catchups and idea sessions and all that stuff and I agree, it could be very special. You also said that she was going through a hard time, and she’s aware that she hasn’t been there for you… So she’s sensitive to the fact that she’s not fulfilling your needs at the moment, in terms of your relationship.

I guess it’s about understanding the priorities people have under different circumstances. I would also ask (and this is not an attack, just a question that came to mind reading this), as she’s been having such a bad time…have you been there for her? You say at one point she wasn’t even answering when you asked how she was, that usually means “really not good”. She might even be shelling you from what’s going on with her, because she doesn’t want to spoil this time for you. Reach out and see if there’s anything you can do for her. Friendship isn’t a oneway street, her need may be greater.

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