(Closed) Not spending year end holidays with DH (just married)… weird?

posted 3 years ago in Holidays
Post # 2
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Kacie209:  If it works for guys as a couple then that is all that matters. 

My husband and I often spend holidays apart due to the fact this his family is on the other side of the country. We try and alternate between family’s but sometimes it is just not possible with work and finances. 

Post # 4
1682 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Kacie209:  you definitely have to do whatever works for you as a couple. my now husband (been married 6 months) and i have worked out a way since we first started dating to see both families as much as possible during the holidays, and have not spent a holiday apart since we started dating over 3 years ago. it means a lot to me for us to be at everything together especially now that we are married, but also because i have a small family and love having a second family to celebrate with 🙂

Post # 5
5218 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Kacie209:  Last year, when we were engaged, we spent Christmas apart. We chose to do it as a last time kind of thing – last time before we got married and what not. Thanksgiving is never a big deal to us – we do it usually w/his family because my dad goes to his girlfriend’s family’s thanksgiving. 

My husband’s parents live 5 hours away but a lot of the “kids” in the family are in this area. We convinced them to come down here for Christmas instead and are splitting the time between them + my family. We are having everyone to our place for Xmas Eve, Christmas Morning w/his family, then everyones (his fam + my fam) going to my dad’s for Christmas dinner. I guess we will have to figure out when to do presents w/my family. I am just happy that we don’t have to travel + I still get to see my family thought it makes me upset to not spend Christmas morning w/my family (which I have for the past 28 years) but I keep telling myself that it’s time to make new traditions. 

Are both of your families in the same area? If so, that’s great. Perhaps its time to have a BIG Christmas Eve party w/whatever family you won’t see as much as on Christmas day, or vice versa. Honestly, I think the fairest way to do it is to simply split the time and then swap it next year. And know that you’re not alone – it’s hard! One of my friends confessed to me that she cried the first time she spent Christmas away from her family. 

Post # 7
5218 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Kacie209:  So they are all within driveable distance…. I think you just need to figure out a way to evenly split the time. Would it be an option for someone to pick up your grandparents and drive them back to your area to spend a few days? We go and pick up my grandmother who lives 5 hours away most Christmases. It’s a bitch of a drive but shes old as well and can’t drive herself. 

Post # 8
4761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Kacie209:  Do I think it’s weird? No. Would I do it? No. I’ve spent every major holiday with my FI since we started dating. It’s something that is important to me to be with him during the holidays. We just figure it out with our families where we will go. In a past relationship, we alternated Christmas and Thanksgiving among the families. FI and I just figure out whatever works best. Our families aren’t super needy about us needing to be with them or needing to do certain traditions on the holidays so everybody is pretty flexible. My family lives about a 3 hour plane ride away and FI’s family lives about an hour and a half drive away. This year my parents are flying down and we are having Christmas together with both families.

Post # 9
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’ve spent Christmas/Thanksgiving with my now husband every year since our second year dating (and we may have spent our first year dating together as well, I don’t really remember). Now that we are married, I couldn’t imagine being away from him for the holidays so we split them up as best we can. What you’re doing wouldn’t work for us, but if it works for you then go for it. I would broach the topic of how future holidays will be handled though especially if you plan on having kiddos. This year you can always celebrate that weekend with your husband 🙂 

Post # 10
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

Spending the holidays with DH was just something that I really looked forward to after we got married. And it would be very weird to my family and me if we didn’t spend the holidays together. So we worked out a schedule. This year we’re spending thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his, then next year it will flip flop. Granted both of our families are not that far too travel to. The farthest from us is probably 45 minutes (minus his sister and her husband who live 13 hours away, but they either come up or we go down if it works out). My point to that though is that I can visit my grandparents more than just on the holidays. 


Also, even though it does sound weird to me, the way that you and your husband are working out holidays, if it’s really working for you two then do it. I understand wanting to spend as much time as possible with older family.

Post # 11
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

In the six plus years of dating (prior to getting a house together), we never spent holidays with each other because we both loved being with our families. Now that we attempt to spend holidays together, it’s always a topic that we approach carefully since we both have families that celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This year, we’re spending the actual Thanksgiving Day with his family but then using the weekend to go see mine. I can see how this wouldn’t be possible if we weren’t all in the same state. 

Post # 13
2964 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


Kacie209:  The thing about becoming one family is that you and DH start doing one family things.  It is kind of a bandaid right now to seperate on the Holidays.  At some point in time, either through having kids, or one of your families feeling unliked by the other spouce for not attending holidays, or just not seeing eachother on holidays it will become an issue.  The best time to work out the issue is now at the beginning of your marriage.  This way later no one can say “But Kacie, you and Mr. Kacie always spent the holidays apart before, why can’t you do it now?”  “Kacie, why don’t you just bring the kids without Mr. Kacie? His family didn’t mind you not going to their parties before.”  or “Mr Kacie obviously doesn’t like spending time with our family.”

Also like pulling off a bandaid, it will hurt some feelings up front not being able to make everything, but it will heal quickly.  Your parents have been through this with their parents, and his parents have been through this with their parents.  They may feel a bit hurt upfront, but they will get over it. 

I do understand the grandparent thing, though.  If I was in your situation, I would ask my DH if he wouldn’t mind spending some holidays with my family right now, as my grandparents might not be around much longer.   I would promise to make it up to him by spending a bit more time with his family in the future.  I don’t have any grandparents left, but if I did, I would want DH to spend time with them too because I would want them to know the wonderful man I married.  I’m sure DH would feel the same way. 

Post # 14
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

You asked for opinions, so yes I think it’s weird. Holidays are the most important days of the year. I would find a way to spend them with my husband. Our families conveniently live in the same area, but if they didn’t I guess we’d do some kind of alternating thing where we did his family one year and mine the next. 

Post # 15
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Our families live on different continents so dividing holidays between them gets sort of expensive. We’re HOPING to alternate Christmases.

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