(Closed) Not sure

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

At that time frame (coincidentally how long I’ve been with my SO) and particularly at that age, you should know by now. If your heart isn’t sure, don’t force it. If you’re meant to be you willl just know.

Post # 4
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree. You should know by now. Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@josie2013:  17 months is a long time to not be sure about someone. Especially for an adult. Is this your first relationship? 

Post # 6
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Have you considered talking it out with a counselor? Maybe a few sessions will help you be able to articulate how you feel about him and will help you figure out if you love him or not. Maybe you really do love him and just don’t know it.

Post # 7
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Follow your heart!

Post # 8
Member
7455 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

At 45 and never married, I Can’t help but wonder if you have some issues with committment.  I agree with the PP who suggested you try some counseling.

Post # 12
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sassy411: At 45 and never married, I Can’t help but wonder if you have some issues with committment.  

I haven’t finished my 1st cup of coffee but I will try to says this as nicely as I can.

I guess our username fits. I cannot believe you made that statement. I am 49 and getting married for the 1st time. I have never had committent issues. Not everyone has the luxury of finding Mr. Right in their 20’s or even 30’s.

To assume first off that a person has committment issues ? They might have been focused on a career, they might have had a child/children to consider, or might have just had some bad luck in finding the right one for them.

To recommend counseling ….ugh I need to finish my coffee and let this one go.

Post # 13
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

At this point, you should know whether you love someone. Maybe not whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him, although I did much earlier than that, but it’s not even the norm I don’t think. If you’re not sure you love him, it’s like that you don’t. Don’t settle for someone you don’t really really LOVE only one year in.

Post # 14
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@josie2013:  

Despite my having dated and having had several longer-term relationships and even having been engaged once when I was 29 (and eventually broke that engagement), I also had never been married when I was your age. I don’t think you have issues with commitment. I think you, like I and others who do not and did not want to “settle,” just want to be sure that you’re marrying the right man for the right reasons. As I strongly believe and have said to others who were waiting for the right relationship, the only thing worse than having to wait a really, really long time to meet the right person is not waiting long enough.

Deciding to marry someone should not be about finding someone you think you can live with just because he is nicer, better etc., than the other men you have dated. Rather, it should be about the fact that (depending on your belief system and world view) you have found the person you believe you were meant to/want to be with for the rest of your life.

I don’t know what your personal belief system is, and so not all of this may apply to your goals and dreams for your life. However, long ago, a very wise person in my family advised me that the right man would enhance my relationship with God, enhance my relationship with others, and enhance my own wellbeing. That was good advice. If you aren’t sure that you love this man, and you aren’t sure after being with him for almost a year and a half that he is “the one,” then he probably is not.

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