(Closed) Not sure about Gifts and Money for Married couple

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@Zellywelly:  You do NOT pay for your dinner.  In fact it is impolite to speculate on what others spend on hosting you.

Gift what you can afford.  $100 is a lovely gift.

Post # 5
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Zellywelly:  Bees are generally NOT fans of weddings where guests are expected to pay for their plates, and I anticipate you will get overwelming amounts of gals telling you not to bring a gift on top of that.

I would take a card, as the reception is traditionally meant to be a “thank you” for attending the wedding, given by the bride and groom.

ETA: wait, now I’m confused. Is this a wedding where guests are asked to pay for their plate? I answered thinking that it was.


Post # 6
3685 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We had some people come and give us nothing. One person came and gave us a $10 gift card to Target. Some people wrapped up gifts that they clearly re-gifted us from their cupboards or basement. A family of three wrapped up six refrigerator magnets.

$100 is a great gift.

Post # 7
9943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The amount of a gift is based on two things and two things only, the closeness of the relationship, and what you can afford to spend.  Cover your plate is a gross mutation of the fact that people like to be generous to young couples just starting out.   Some people will always give more and some will give less.  Gifts, whether monetary or a household item,  are always voluntary.  By no means do you need to give both.  

Cash or check gifts are common in many circles and looked down upon in others.  The considerate thing to do is to send gifts to the couple ahead of the wedding so that they are not burdened with keeping track the day of.  It is tacky and rude  to be expected to pay the literal price of your own dinner, as if you are buying tickets to a commercial event. You are the guest. It’s the hosts responsibility is to throw the affair they can afford.  

The fact that you are flying and spending money on a flight is a separate thing.  If you can’t afford to attend the wedding, send your regrets.   If you do go, give the gift you can afford to give, based on your relationship and your budget. 

Post # 8
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Zellywelly:  We give $50 in a gift regardless of who or where the wedding takes place.

Post # 9
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve never heard of a wedding where the guest covers his/her meal (like literally, “Here’s the cash for my meal”) and provides additional gifts on top of that. I get the “cover your plate” concept but that’s technically considered the gift so the B&G technically break even.

As such, I would gift what you want to gift and can afford. I don’t think you, as a guest, is expected to pay for your own food.


Post # 10
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I usually do $50-75 for friends and $75-100 for family.  Regardless of whether it’s in a banquet hall with super pricey food or a backyard bbq where I eat off paper plates 🙂

Post # 11
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ve always heard $50/pp (so $100 for a couple) is considered a reasonable but generous gift!

Post # 12
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You give what you can. My Fiance was unemployed during some of the weddings we attended so I could only give a gift that I was able to afford. 

Post # 13
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

$100 is a very nice gift. 

Post # 14
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think $100 ($200/couple) is a perfectly good gift. 

Post # 15
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t worry about covering the cost of your dinner! Give what you can, and give becuase you want to.

I hate to imagine my guests stressing over doing the math and trying to guess the cost of the reception so they can gift properly. It’s a gift, not a bill!

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