(Closed) Not sure about my relationship anymore

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5646 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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bookworld :  What was the issue that caused him to ignore you for 10 hours?  Was he ignoring your attempts or was it a stand off where you were waiting for him to speak to you first? 

Post # 3
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’d leave. He is who he is. It hurts you, and it can’t be changed. 

Post # 4
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee

Dump!

Post # 5
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

I would never want stay in a relationship where I felt emotionally exhausted and insecure. I’ve done it before, and I’m telling you, life is too short! Get out of this relationship before you make a big commitment and it’s even harder. 

Post # 6
Member
2267 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

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bookworld :  You guys are super young to have been together for so long. One of the things that happens when you get into a serious relationship so young is that you don’t necessarily develop as an individual. 

You say this tendency has been an issue for a while. You say he’s promised to try and be more open. I think it might be the case that your relationship dynamics are so cemented, he might not really know how to change it. 

I’d say that it’s unlikely this will change. My instinct would be to tell you that you both might benefit from spending some time apart getting to know who you are without each other. You each have some emotional development to do and it’s exceptionally difficult to do that while trying to nurture a relationship.

If you are committed to making this work, I’d say you should probably broach the subject of counseling. It’s clear that though you’ve tried to explain your needs and he’s said he’d try to change, that hasn’t happened organically. It may be helpful having someone else to help mediate and help provide you with tools to learn better skills around communication. 

All that being said, I really think the best thing is for the two of you to spend some time apart and carefully evaluate how compatible you really are.

Post # 7
Member
2785 posts
Sugar bee

Leave. It will only get worse and his suggestion that he’d like to get married within 3 years when you’ve already been together for 7 isn’t exactly reassuring either. You’re young and have plenty of options and plenty of time ahead of you. 

Post # 8
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Wake up, please. He’s been promising to change the same thing for 7 years. How many more 7s of years are you going to wait for that change?

Post # 9
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’d let the relationship end, that’s not healthy. You both need to grow individually into who you really are meant to be.

Post # 10
Member
3070 posts
Sugar bee

He sounds way too immature. He’s acting like a 13 year old boy who doesn’t know how to express his feelings or even communicate!!! Definitely move on!

Post # 11
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

PPs have hit the nail on the head. After 7 years of no change, even after he’s promised he will, you can be assured that he won’t.

You keep doing the same thing, hoping it’ll change him, but he doesn’t want to change. You need to accept what he’s telling you through his actions. He ruined Disney for you! If he can’t put aside his issues on a fun family vacation, there’s no chance he’ll be able to put them aside in daily life or marriage.

Post # 12
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper

I can’t deal with passive aggressive silent treatment. It pretty much killed the relationship with my ex. He did it all the time. It was awful. Deal breaker. 

Post # 13
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

No bee, no. I married this kind of man and it ended with a lot of emotional damage due to all of these issues.

Post # 14
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

Leave him. That’s what I would do. 

This has been going on for seven years, and you clearly don’t like it, so leave. Terrible communication and cold behavior toward a girlfriend or boyfriend feels awful, as you know, so imagine your husband doing this to you. It would be terrible. 

You know how he is, and you don’t like it, so see that for what it really is: an indication that he isn’t the right man for you. 

If you stay with him much longer, you’ll regret it. If you marry him, you’ll regret it. Do the right thing and end the relationship now. A relationship like this is most likely going to end anyway, so end it before your life really gets enmeshed with his.

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