Post # 1
Ok, so my wedding has been set since February….I got engaged to my best friend just before Christmas 2011 🙂
I’ve got 2 best friends, one who has been engaged for just over a year. There hasn’t been any wedding planning on her part, and we just figured it wasn’t a huge priority for her.
So today, the 3 of us met to get bridesmaid dresses for my wedding. Just before we started browsing the racks, engaged Boyfriend or Best Friend says, “Oh guys…I have some news!! We set a date for our wedding!!!” I was genuinely happy for her! SO happy. I asked when the big day would be….the response??? Exactly ONE WEEK BEFORE MY WEDDING! I was kind of in shock…Congratulated her, and then I got called to the main desk for something. So we went through and found dresses they loved, they paid for them and we went out for a late lunch.
I guess it was setting in during the meal, because I eventually felt my ears and face growing hot…so I knew they were probably red.
I can’t do anything about it…it’s done. But I also can’t nail down how I’m feeling right now…hurt? Disappointed that she didn’t consider me and my wedding? Shocked for sure…Amazed that now our friends are going to have to not only book the Friday for our wedding off…but now hers too….2 weekends in a row…My other Boyfriend or Best Friend was saying now she’ll have 2 showers, 2 bachlorettes, 2 wedding gifts ect. to look after….Was it a competition about who would make it to the alter first?
Do I talk to her? She is one of my best friends and I don’t want to bring negative to her wedding…this is an amazingly special time for her too….I don’t want to taint it….But at the same time I think she needs to know how I’m feeling, once I figure it out for myself.
Any advice for me? I don’t want to be bridezilla. But I think I’m hurt 🙁
Post # 3
Okay, so it’s fine to feel whatever you are feeling. And most brides would feel a little disappointed and bereft at the the whole thing–totally normal and it doesn’t make you a bridezilla to feel that way at all.
But although it’s crummy, in the end, you know you can’t control who has their wedding around your wedding–you can’t “reserve” two weeks to “buffer” your big day. I’m willing to bet that when your friend scheduled her date that either a) it didn’t even enter her mind that it was a week before yours (yes, she knows your date, but if she’s anything like me, I often don’t realize that Sept 7 is a week before Sept 14 unless seeing it visually on a calendar OR (more likely) b) she has a lot of OTHER people that she needs to please with the date–maybe she could only get hte venue for that date, or maybe someone in her FI’s family is getting deployed after that date or…There are a lot of variables that can go into choosing a date and maybe she didn’t have a good choice. I guess it’s *possible* that she wanted to go to the altar first, but that seems like a supremely bizarre thing to do–especially because if you really want to be first, why not make it a whole month ahead or whatever?
Sorry for the tough love, but you are being a great friend by acknowledging that it’s a special time for her too and committing to not bringing anything negative into the equation. My advice is that you consider it a blessing to be planning BOTH your weddings alongside each-other. If you’re great friends, then you’ll always have someone to talk flowers and napkin colors with and not worry about boring them 🙂
Oh and don’t worry–most people are just there to congratulate you and to have a good time. They’re not going to “compare” your weddings–and even if they did, who cares? Some people may like her choices better than yours, but that’s a matter of personal preference, and in the end, you probably wouldn’t have changed your vision just because of that anyway.
Post # 4
I don’t think this was about competition but I do understand your frustration.
Even if you did say anything what end result are you hoping for?
Post # 5
Well, that’s annoying. But I think you can’t say anything- I mean, she can have her wedding when she wants. And if they have picked a date, well, then its done.
Post # 6
I understand why your upset, but you will have to get through it. You don’t want it hurting your relationship. A similiar situation happened with me, however Our wedding is one week before my Fiancees cousin… oh and they are in different countries (His in Europe, Ours in USA) .. with the majority of his family living in Europe. We are going to be at his cousins wedding which is a destination wedding, it will be in a different country from where him and the rest of the family lives. I decided instead of making a big deal about it , I needed to just get over it… and hope as many people in his family can afford to make it here, and if they can’t we will atleast be spending time with them when we are over there. I would give it a week or so and collect your thought before deciding to talk with her, that way you don’t say anything that might come off the wrong way.
Post # 7
One of my MOHs recently chose a date exactly one week before mine…I was really upset…It still annoys me, but I try not to think about it and just focus on my own wedding.
Post # 8
I understand what you all are saying…but the thing that gets me is that she and her fiance hadn’t done ANYTHING….I mean ANYTHING about wedding details until we set our date. They talked about August once they heard we had a date, but didn’t do anything to book a venue…It’s all just really bizarre to me that’s all.
@ arielle I don’t know what I would expect the end result of talking to her would be…I’m still trying to figure out if this is a good idea or if I should just let myself get over it….
The thing is…I’m not going to have much time to dedicate to helping her with her wedding…and she won’t have much time to help me with mine! but as we left today, she said to my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I, “you guys probably won’t have to help much at first, but closer to the date will probably be really hectic and I’ll need you guys!” and I was thinking…ummmm, I’ll probably be busy….It just makes me sad 🙁
Post # 9
You shouldn’t be annoyed its a week before yours she has her day and you have yours. I think BMs should help within the scope of which they can and its the bride job to plan and exectue her vision herself along with her FH. Just help eacother as much as you can and what you can’t do for each other oh well itll have to get done some other way.