- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
I want to start by saying thank you. I am not a member of the waiting list, I have been lurking and turning to you when I have my weakest moments and need support by reading your stories
That being said, I think I am reaching my breaking point and I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend, he is my heart and my life and I cannot imagine life without him. We have been dating for close to 3 years and living together for more 2 years. I know that doesn’t seem like that crazy of a long time to be waiting, but there are a lot of factors that make an engagement more than over due.
1) We went ring shopping in November 2010. We have the diamond already, so he only needs to buy the setting. I know he has been in touch with the jeweler starting last summer, so I am not sure what happened.
2) In September we filed for custody of his child. Which has been incredibly stressful. I have committed to being this child’s stepmother and he will be moving in with us if everything goes the way we hope. I have committed to this and I am having a hard time understanding why he has not shown me his commitment with a ring.
3) We had a big talk a few weeks before Christmas because he kept asking me what I wanted for a present and I was like DUH he knows what I want!!! It ended up leading to a conversation where he made me realize I had been so focused on the ring that I wasn’t letting him surprise me. He said he wanted my proposal to be something big and memorable and that I was taking the mystique out of it.
4) It’s now March….I was able to relax for the last four months, which included valentines day and my birthday, but now that those have passed, something in me has snapped and I am getting angry. A TRIAL will be scheduled for the custody of his child in the next 4-6 weeks…a trial I am a very big part of.
5) He introduced me to the court appointed child welfare investigator as his fiancé, that was like taking a bullet.
6) I am no spring chicken, I turned 39 last week and he knows I want a baby of my own……..he wants that too.
So here we are, on the one hand, I don’t want to ruin his surprise and upset him, but this is really upsetting me and I am starting to resent the fact that I am putting so much out there and committing so much to our future. I think that he is probably thinking he does not want to tie an engagement to the trial, and may be waiting for it to be over, but from my perspective, I cannot stomach going to this trial and being paraded around as the fiancé when I am not, officially.
I promised him I would not bring it up, but isn’t it worse that I am holding all this in and not telling him how I feel? I am not afraid to talk to him about my feelings, but I am worried that it is imminent and I will ruin a surprise.
Thanks bees, just writing this has helped a lot.