(Closed) Not sure how much more I can handle…Am I being selfish?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
21 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

this is a tough situation and honestly I dont have any advice.  I feel for what you are going through as my fiance and I are currently building our dream house just months before our marriage.  I totally understand that stress.  If you are a spiritual person, I’d suggest that you pray for strength, peace, understanding, and clarity on what you should do.


It is a tough situation though…best of luck to you!

Post # 5
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont think you are being selfish for having these thoughts, i think you are stressed out and upset about the lack of privacy and feeling responsible for other people – we all feel this way at times

i do think its wise to accomodate your inlaws and also have a conversation with your sister about her moving out – you have been supportive for a while now and thats a good thing.   i also think you and your husband need some alone time and maybe you can sneek in a few weekends away to have some fun and relax, find that spark that makes you a great couple. goodluck *hugs*

Post # 6
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say that you sound like a really kind person to have put up with all this and have the ability to write abt it without any hint of resentment. Unfortunately I think what you are describing is basically just life. It pretty much is always one thing after another. Some will be small and some big but there will always be something. There’s rarely huge stretches of everything being amazing.

Not saying this to be negative, it’s just my experience 🙂

I think you’re doing amazingly well

given the circumstances, and you are lucky to have a husband who sounds like he’s been good through it all.

Post # 7
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MissGreen:Yikes that IS a doozy! I do not see you as selfish! I think you two are amazing for helping. thats what it’s all about right? And I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been praying!

Post # 8
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh wow, you really have been through a lot these past two years.  First of all, congratulations on having such a strong relationship with your husband!  Any one of those issues on their own would have been enough to break a weaker couple so I think a massive kudos is in order.  I also think it’s important that you guys recognise how much you’ve been through and how well you’ve weathered it…that says a lot about you both as individuals and as a couple.

Secondly, in regards to the issue at hand, as eloping said, I think you do need to allow your inlaws to stay with you for a short period of time.  They sound as though they would be much more accommodating, understanding, and respectful of your property, time, and privacy than your sister has been.  Also, the fact that they would be doing everything in their power to move out as soon as possible is another good sign.  I think it’s a buyer’s market out there, isn’t it?  That should hopefully make it easier for them to find a good property relatively quickly.  

Thirdly, I think you need to come up with a timeline with your sister.  Is she working?  Even if not, she’s been with you long enough that she could/should have saved up enough money to get back on her feet.  I think you need to be upfront and honest telling her how it’s been difficult adjusting your newlywed life to accommodate her and it’s time for you and Darling Husband to have your lives back.  Reassure her you will always support her emotionally but your time of enabling her is going to come to an end.  Also, tell her that your parents-in-law need a place to stay for a few weeks and you cannot accommodate them both.  You’ve provided her with shelter for more than a year now, which is much longer than you had anticipated, and that time needs to come to an end now, before your inlaws move in.   

What is your relationship like with your sister?  Can you have that conversation with her and have her understand why you are doing this?  It sounds as though she may be the type of person who accepts what’s offered to her without thinking about how it affects the one offering said ‘gift’.  Perhaps the realisation that she has taken far too much in this regard will cause her to take action.  

Regardless of how you approach it, I think you need to develop a specific timeline and hold her to it.   No more delays, no more excuses, no extensions.  Sometimes tough love is what’s needed.

Good luck to you – you sound incredibly strong and are an inspiration to those who are going through tough times!  

Post # 10
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

for better for worse.. for richer for poorer.. in sickness and in health..

Life changes all the time, these events won’t be permanent, and you will be stronger together for going through them 🙂

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