Post # 1
Last night, something very off happened. We were in bed getting ready to go to sleep. I have FB, he doesnt. He is not into social media. Anyways, i am in a closed group with some online leaguemates from a game we all play, my fiancee plays it too. Anyway, i noticed, that they posted something and my phone went off. I have it on vibrate, his phone went off too. Didnt think anything of it. Then someone replied to that post, my phone went off. His too. Now im like, ok? coincidence? So this happened 3 times total. I messaged my friend thru whatsapp and told him about it, he decided to msg me thru FB messenger and told me to let him know if his phone goes same time as mine, IT DID. my friend messaged saying when are you playing with us? and to my surprise omg his phone went off exactly same time as mine. I told my sister, she msg me thru FB too and it went off, at this point i knew it wasnt coincidence? He is on my fb. it must be. But why? i Havent confront him or talked about it. I have no clue on how to do it. I never gave him motives to not trust me. He isnt mad at me. He seems loving for the most part altho i do feel something is odd. he had a bad past and nasty divorce, his ex cheated and left him 3 months after they married. I have nothing to hide and we established from the beggining we can have each others pins for phones. But i dont remember ever using his phone to get on my FB so im so lost on what this could be? How can i talk to him and bring this up?
Post # 2
How weird! If you truly do have honest communication, you should be able to just ask him straight– “Hey, I noticed yesterday that when I was getting messages in this group, your phone was buzzing too. Can I check to see if I was accidentally logged into Facebook on your phone? It was so weird and it’s just been bugging me!” If he says sure, go ahead; then that seems like you’re fine, if he gets defensive or weird about it, I’d wonder what was up.
Post # 3
menopaws3 : That’s weird he would log into your FB and not tell you. I could see if he told you first and then did it??? But not really. I don’t think that kind of behavior is appropriate. Why can’t he trust you on fB?
Post # 4
What was his reaction to his phone blowing up whenever yours did?
Post # 5
i could try that approach. i am just trying to be cautious on how i can bring this up without making him feel im accusing him of something, yet he might be secretly monitoring what i do so either way this is something that needs to be fixed. I am not angry, because i have nothing to hide and i am loyal to our relationship but i am more concerned about if he is indeed doing this to monitor me it means he doesnt trust me and this will cause an issue in the long run.
Post # 6
Did he say anything or acknowledge it when your phones started going off at the same time? I assume he was right there.
Post # 7
slomotion : Nothing, he just kept scrolling thru his phone looking on a app he always uses to look for deals, kinda like a amazon app. He didnt do anything. at all, it was so weird cause all you could hear is both phones going off at the same time.
Post # 8
You can actually check on facebook and see what devices your FB is logged into on, it will say like “Iphone 6” & when I leave it logged in on my husbands phone it will say “Samsung Galaxy 7”. I check it sometimes to make sure no hackers have been on my account. One time it said I was logged in somewhere down south and then you can click something saying its not you and it will log you out. you can also set it to where it sends you an email whenever anyone logs into your account from a different device. That might give you some more concrete evidence before you go accusing but it def sounds like he was logged in on yours.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
menopaws3 : Maybe ask your friend to send you fb messages again while you’re with him again which will give you the oppurtunity to say “why is your phone going off everytime I get a FB message? I noticed that happened the other night too, did I log onto FB from your phone or something?”
Post # 10
menopaws3 : There is two things you can do.
1. You get someone to facebook “call” you. The phone will actually ring, while he’s in the same room as you. Then you can say, sorry babe did I ever use you’re phone to log onto my facebook. And see what he says, if he lies then you mention something.
2. You can go to you’re privacy settings on facebook and click “open sessions” it will tell you which devices you’re fb is logged into. (I would do this first) it will tell you the model of phone being used & location of the cell phone as well. That way you can tell 100% if he’s actually signed on.
3. You can opt to say nothing, and log off that session where I mentioned above and change you’re fb password.
Best of luck bee.
Post # 11
menopaws3 : to be honest I don’t find it all this odd, I stay off Facebook and if my sister had showed me something or I wanted to see something on fb, I just use hers and stay signed in because I don’t care. Maybe he was wanting to see what everyone was talking about because he feels left out? I wouldn’t immediately think that he’s watching you and spying. I think he would put his phone on mute immediately and try play it off, but if he wasn’t bothered about his phone buzzing or whatever that seems pretty relaxed. Just say, hey I notice you’re on my fb, want me to make you one for the group chat? I don’t see why you wouldn’t be bothered if he was on your fB anyway
Post # 12
That is really weird. If it were me, I’d ask my friend to send me a bunch of FB messages again. Then when you notice his phone constantly going off just ask him about it. You don’t need to be accusatory. I like the wording PP used.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I’m the kind of person who’d do something like have my friend send me a message like:
“Dear [your SO]:
It has come to [your name]’s attention that you are snooping through her FB and even have it hooked to your phone. This is WRONG on so many levels and your lack of trust is very upsetting to her! The reason she isn’t confronting you face to face is she wants to believe the best of you and give you the benefit of the doubt. This ONE chance to make this right. Log out of her FB IMMEDIATELY and NEVER do something this shady again! Now we can all pretend that your phone going off with notifications the same moment as hers every single time was a fluke and you can live happily ever after!”
After a few days I would change my password and security question. If he HAS seen it then he’d be smart to never say anything and log out. If he hasn’t then you didn’t risk a huge blowout and it WAS just a fluke. If you are confident he has seen it and he somehow gets a hold of your new password and this starts happening again…then you have the right to ‘go to war’ with him.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
So I just saw this meme (please excuse the bad grammar, it was on my 16 y/o cousin’s FB page).
Looks like you can change your phone settings to route all send/receive messages on someone else’s phone to yours. I think you do it by linking your phone number? I dunno, I’m “old.”
Anyways, if you guys have good, open communication you should just be able to ask him. He’s most likely going through trust issues, because he’s reflecting behaviors of his ex on to you, which isn’t fair at all. I would ask if he’s ok with going to individual counseling to help him with his trust issues. Maybe even tell him, that had he asked for your permission to do that – you would have let him bc you have nothing to hide – but since he did it without asking you, he’s now betrayed YOUR trust.
Post # 15
How did he get your password?