(Closed) Not sure how to break the news to a co-worker that she's not invited…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think that there’s a way to do this without drama, unless you can ask those who are invited not to talk about it in the office, but that’s pretty awkward for everyone.  I think you need to be as direct as possible with her and say that unfortunately, she won’t be invited.  Whether or not you want to say it’s because you’ve grown apart, or space/budget concerns is your call, but I don’t think you can lead her on, especially if she’s planning on doing something special for your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yikes. That’s a tough one. I’m afraid there is no good way to do that. Anyway you could say something about how small the wedding ito going to be (regardless of actual size) and tell the other coworkers to not talk about the wedding?  I hate to lie but I can’t think of a good alternative that would spare her feelings. 

Post # 5
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

You have two options:

A) Be up front and say she’s not invited to your wedding as you were tying to keep the guest list down.

But I would do the following… Let’s be real:

B) Don’t talk about the wedding to her and thereby force HER to be the one to awkwardly ask you if she’s invited. Then tell her  a) above.

Post # 6
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

How big is your wedding? If it’s going to be 100+ people, just stick her at a co-worker table in a corner. You probably won’t even notice that she’s there!

Post # 7
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know it might sound cruel but I wouldnt invite anyone from work to your wedding. These arent people you would know if you didnt work there. So why invite them at all you arent close with them. If you left your job tomorrow they would call for a while but they would eventually stop calling.

I know this is my opinion and I am not inviting anyone I work with for that reason. Save your inivitiation for family and close friends. These people always want to be invited as though they have a right to be but they are coworkers.

 

Post # 8
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@niasg1:  ditto on that.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@TheFutureMrsPicky:  What do you mean about a letter?  Like, writing a general letter to all the people you work with and putting it in the kitchen?  I don’t understand what you’d say in it, and it sounds like it might cause even more trouble for you.

Post # 13
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@TheFutureMrsPicky:  They are co-workers if you choose to invite them you will alienate the others because they will feel why those girls and not them? Sometime you have to but your big girl panties on and make an adult decision and not invite them to reduce the fall out later. You do have to work with these people. If the co-workers are your friends then they will understand your dilemma and not put you in a position that will cause problems later on.

Post # 14
Member
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@TheFutureMrsPicky:  Personally, if I saw a letter like that at work, I’d think it looked really off-putting.  The point of an invitation is to tell people who is invited, not point out who is not.  It’s unfortunate that your coworkers invite everyone else there, but you definitely don’t have to.  If it gets closer to the date and people ask you, tell them that you’re having an intimate ceremony and couldn’t afford to do invite everyone. 

Post # 16
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I can totally relate to OP. I’ve got a social group at work. We’ve socialised a lot out of work in the 5yrs I’ve been there – it’s through that outside socialising that I met my partner, so the idea of NOT inviting the people that kinda got us together is off-putting to me.

However workplace changes, people change – there’s a couple of people that were once very close but I actually feel reluctant to invite them now. I’ve sort of distanced myself from these few, but on surface are still friendly, for the sake of workplace harmony (bitching & drama has been a MASSIVE problem in our office).

With 18mths out, I’ve still got heaps of time to figure it out, but it is something in the back of my head.

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