(Closed) Not sure how to feel about this RSVP… is this rude?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude of a guest to say they are "thinking of bringing a date" when they weren't given a "+1"?
    yes, your friend is rude. by etiquette, only serious SOs get invited. : (28 votes)
    68 %
    no, you're the rude one, your guests should be able to bring a random date just not to be stag : (9 votes)
    22 %
    other, please explain : (4 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It’s a bit rude but it is also rude to not give a +1.  You said you budgeted for them to have +1s.  You say you don’t want random people at your wedding but it seems like the 2 in question are a bit random anyway… I’d just suck it up and be excited to see my long lost friends.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1609 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Call them both up, explain no plus ones.

    Post # 5
    Member
    765 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @LilDrAnya:  Just say that you’re happy that she brings her SO; however, due to venue limitations, you’re only including significant others for guests in long term committed relationships. If the sibling’s date isn’t a boyfriend/fiance/husband, then respectfully ask that the sibling attend solo. If needed, mention that you have some close friends and family that you’d still like to invite.

     

     

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    1366 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think it’s rude.  We haven’t included +1s unless someone is in a serious relationship and most of my friends did the same. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1368 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Yikes.

    I don’t know who’s in the wrong. Nobody? I mean, it’s a guy you’re talking about. He may just be clueless about these things…

    I would just tell him casually that you are only including plus one’s who are engaged or married.

    I know some people will say etiquette says blah~~~ but honestly, I don’t see any problem arising from addressing it to your GUY friend.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    You didn’t make it clear on the invitation. Yes, it’s awkward to call people up and ask if they are seriously seeing anyone and, if so, the name of that person, but that avoids situations just like this. If you now tell her she can’t bring a plus one but her brother can because his is a serious relationship, you risk straining your relationship with her. And maybe you’re okay with that. But etiquette developed rules to minimize the chances of this sort of situation happening.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    .doublepost

    Post # 10
    Member
    9954 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    If you addressed it as Mr Bob Black and Ms Susan Black (one above the other) and sent it to ONE household then you did it correctly, in so far that it was meant for 2 people not 4.

    But you both dropped the ball…

    They misunderstood what the invite meant … partly because you didn’t make any pertinent inquiries about them and their social status… and where to send the Invites.

    Many today, expect that if they are over the age of 18 and coming to a Wedding then they should be able to bring a Plus One… even if they are not Engaged, Living Together / Common Law, or Married which used to be the accepted (and still is) the social norm in many circles (A Date does not a recognized “social unit” make)

    How to handle it ?

    Well it sounds like the guy has a regular Girlfriend, the girl doesn’t

    As you stated in your post that if you had known of regular SOs you would have invited them… in which case the Invites should have gone out to seperate addresses for all the players.

    (Honestly, you should have asked… it would have saved you this grief.  That is your role as the Hostess… making your Guests feel comfortable = asking… and in turn they should have asked you as well… if they were uncertain as to how the Invite was addressed).

    And as you now know that the guy has a Girlfriend… and in so much as you don’t wish to point out his faux pas… or make the girl feel uncomfortable, you too should let her bring a date.

    So be it.

    Lesson learned… In future consult Etiquette so you have your ducks in a row and are clearer on the procedure (Single Invites are sent to individuals seperately).

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    As much as YOU don’t want randoms at your wedding… if you take our popular culture and such at queues to what’s acceptable,  singles in shows and movies are always looking for dates to weddings and whole plot lines surround the tragedy of going to a wedding solo.  Without being the bride that’s thinking about this and the cost of these randoms, I never would have given it a second thought to bring a random on an invite with a plus one.   

     

    The only recourse you have here is to go 2 or 4… if you wanted to allow long term partners you should have spoken to them before the invite and got a name and then included all names on invitations (no plus ones just a firm guestlist)

    Post # 13
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m starting to realize that some people think they’re supposed to bring a date.  I had a friend the other day (who I know is single) say “I’ll bring a date”.  I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it…  A date?  Or is there someone you haven’t told me about? Because if you just want to show up with some arm candy, would you like to pay for his meal?  I’m sure I’ll be able to talk to him about it, I was just so taken aback in the moment I didn’t know what to say. I’ve had a few friends ask about bringing someone, but this is the first person I know who just told me. If he was from out of town or didn’t know anyone, I could understand, but he’s local and all of his closest friends will be there.  Sounds like this girl is going with her sister, so it shouldn’t be a big deal right?

    I hope with your friend you can just simlpy say something like I’m sorry but we can only afford plus ones that are in a serious relationship.  

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    2542 posts
    Sugar bee

    Definitely odd. I would call or e-mail them and let that know that unfortunately you are unable to accomodate plus ones unless they are in a relationship.

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