- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Hopefully I can tell this story without it being too confusing and too long!
In high school, I had a group of friends who all hung out together, but 3 of us were really close (I will call my two friends D & N). D came to our school junior year but we all bonded before graduation. I’d known N since middle school.
Anyway, we all went on to college. N & I went to the same school but we didn’t stay that close and only talked occasionally. D went to school in a different state, and while we talked on a regular basis for the first semester, we stopped communicating after that.
It’s now been a few years since college graduation, and N & I are close and have mended some issues we had from high school. N has tried repeatedly over the past few years to get in touch with/hang out with D but to no avail. N has tried so many times to make plans, but D won’t return her calls or commit to anything. I stopped trying to make plans after we had been out of high school for a couple of years and hadn’t talked in awhile. D & I haven’t hung out and “caught up” in about 5 years. N is still really upset by D’s lack of friendship, whereas I have just decided to let it go (people change, lives change, etc.).
Anyway, the problem is that two years ago, D invited both N & I to her wedding. N & I felt really weird and out of place, because we hadn’t really seen/talked to D in a long time. But we went, and we enjoyed ourselves, and that was that. We greeted D as she came around to each table, but that was the extent of our communication and we didn’t even get a picture with her.
I’m getting married this summer and was NOT planning on inviting D. Fiance & I are paying for our own wedding and we tried to keep our guest list as small as possible. Plus there are a lot of other friends from high school that I’ve lost touch with and I’m not inviting them either.
Yesterday N & I each got an invitation in the mail to D’s baby shower. I’m really at a loss here. It’s like she still wants to be friends, but doesn’t make any efforts besides inviting me to her big life events. I don’t really feel guilty for not inviting her to the wedding, but I think it’s going to cut off our friendship for good (or at least send D a message). I feel like in the early days after high school I did make an effort, and I can’t really remember what happened to our friendship. I just remember D not really ever enjoying herself when she was around us, and never contacting us to make plans (we always had to set up the plans with her).
I can’t go to D’s baby shower as it is the same day as my sister’s graduation. I will still probably send a gift.
I guess my question is: how should I feel about continuously being invited to D’s big events but not inviting her to my own? Is there a reason why I should invite her? I just don’t think the relationship is salvageable at this point – I don’t even know her anymore, it’s been years since we had a real in depth discussion. What do you think bees?