(Closed) Not sure how to feel about this situation…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t know…it kinda sounds like ‘D’ just wants the gifts from you. Maybe that’s me being cynical, but that’s how I would take it

Post # 4
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

ok I hate to be so cynical and think the worst of someone but my first thought would be that she’s inviting you for the gift : I could totally totally be completely wrong but to invite people out of nowhere like that that you dont make an effort with on a regular basis is just weird to me. I would not send a gift and I would just politely decline the invite and say a quick congrats. And no I would not feel bad about not inviting her. It is a day to celebrate with those you love and who love you and who are an active or important part of yours and your fi’s life. She clearly is neither of those things.

Post # 5
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

ha! lindz629, I said the same thing! at least im not the only cynical one lol

Post # 6
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Do you know how big you want your wedding?  If it’s going to be really small (like under 50 or so people), I wouldn’t invite her.  I would still explain to her the situation so as not to ruin the friendship.  If your wedding is going to be bigger, I’d go ahead and invite her, since obviously she still wants you to be involved in the major events in her life and it’s really not worth losing a friendship.  Just my two cents.

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

@stardustintheeyes – too funny! And we said it at the same time…creepy! haha.

Post # 8
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

i agree with the other posters. D just wants a gift….if it was more than that she would attempt to hang out with you other times than besides when it involves a gift or celebrating some new excitement in her life. Respond that you cannot attend and maybe send her a congrats card.

I also would not feel bad about her not being invited to your wedding. I can see how you feel how you do but try not to feel bad.

Good luck 🙂

Post # 9
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I agree, it sounds like she just wants the gifts

Post # 10
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with lindz629. I wouldn’t feel bad about not inviting her to your wedding and I wouldn’t send a gift either.

Post # 11
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

dude, D doesn’t want you there – she wants your gifts. don’t feel weird about not inviting her, you guys aren’t even friends anymore.

Post # 12
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

She might be inviting you for the gift – but usually the cost per guest is higher than gift amount, so I’m not sure that’s necessarily the case. I guess if she lives far away and was basically assuming that you and N wouldn’t make the effort to come, she might be motivated by financial gain.

My thought is this – while some people have more intimate weddings (due to budget, personal preferences, etc), some choose to have a huge wedding and invite everyone they ever knew. Maybe she wanted to have a big blowout wedding and invite a ton of people. Maybe she doesn’t have a ton of family/friends, but wanted a large number of guests at the event, so extended her guest list to former friends/acquaintances. 

In any case, I don’t think you should invite her if you don’t want to. You already realize that this will probably kill what’s left of your relationship but it honestly doesn’t sound like a big loss at this point. 

Post # 13
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Honestly, I’m glad I’m not alone in this, but the first thing I thought was gift grubbing. Honestly, if she hasn’t contacted either of you back after years, I feel like it’s kind of past rekindling.

Post # 14
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

lindz629: I was thinking the same thing!

If she was a real friend, she would contact you other times, not just when its a party for her. I wouldn’t feel bad about not inviting her, and I wouldn’t.

Post # 15
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am going to see it from a different angle then the others. I think that there are certain life situations that make us want to reconnect with certain people that have shared life experiences. I would give her the benefit of the doubt, I mean what are you really out with trying? A gift is all you are out if she isn’t sincere, but if she is sincere then you have reconnected with a great old friend.

Post # 16
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Did D move around a few times in her life? You mentioned she moved in to your school during your junior year of HS.

Here’s my take on it:

I moved a few times growing up and sometimes, I’m kinda awkward with the “catching up” or “small talk”. but I still value my friendships.

Yes, D should be better at hanging out with you and N but, I think we all know that life gets crazy sometimes! She’s clearly been very busy lately and has a lot on her plate but she still wants you to be included in the big things in life.

If you can’t go to her baby shower, I would really push for a lunch between the three of you to “celebrate” the baby without going to the baby shower.

 

OR…maybe your names are the default female invite list….??

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