Post # 1
So I’m kinda engaged and the first people I tell are strangers on a board I just joined. Here is my story and I could really use advice.
My SO & I will have been together 4 years on Dec 20th. We met just 2 months after my first husband and I divorced and our relationship wasn’t exactly seriouse for the first 6 months or so. But 2 years ago we moved in together. Even though at first I said I didn’t care if we ever got married that really wasn’t true. I wanted it I just knew my SO does everything on his own time and I was trying to play cool. once we had been living together for 6 months I admitted to him that getting married was important to me and I needed to know it was something he might want some day. He said that he did but needed to take it slow. Not ensure why since I’m the divorced 30 something year old and he’s never even been engaged. So I’ve waited. Like an idiot at every holiday birthday and random occasion I would call my BFF and say I think he’s gonna do it this time. Of course she would say “maybe” Or “I hope so”. So i have waited and waited and mean while several of our friends have gotten engaged when they have only been with there SO half as long as we have been together. He and I bought a house last August so I know he has no plans of walking away any time soon. So 3 months ago I was trying to print something off his computer and accidentally found where he had this elaborate scavenger hunt proposal planned. FINALLY I thought. This was wonderful and the only person I told that I found it was my BFF and I said nothing to him. I was excited at first waiting for when he would spring this on me. Then the weather turned cold and it became clear that what he had planned sure wasn’t going to happen any time soon. I these were all outside activities. Then this last Fri had gotten in a fight over something silly about the house. He went out to dinner and he was going to take me to the movies but after having a few drinks we were fighting worse and I told him just to take we home (Perfect example of why you should never drink when your mad at your SO). The fight escalates and ofcourse I spill what I had found. Told him I thought he was full of it and most likely had not even got a ring. Then he shows me this very poorly done fake ring he bought and said it was the best he could do. This absolutely hurt my feelings because the one thing we ever have issues with is his obsession with money and he might be the cheapest man alive. It broke my heart that he couldn’t at least turn loose of even $100 to buy me a little chip at a pawn shop or something. It was a plastic $10 ring. So I told him I couldn’t do it any more. He clearly loved money more then me. I couldn’t take it any longer and I went to stay at a friends for 2 days. Sunday I returned home calm (sober lol) and armed with the realization I didn’t want to give up. We talked we made up then he said he only wanted to get back together if we did it engaged.
So long story long here I sit engaged FINALLY but with a plastic crap ring that I can not show to anyone and right after I almost walked out. I haven’t even told my friends that I changed my mind about splitting up do well getting engaged. I feel like I bulled him in to this but I also feel like I should tell him he better get to the store and pick me out a real engagement ring. lastly now all our friends are getting married in the next year and I’m going to have to wait at least til spring 2014 to get married. When I wanted to be married by now.
I sound like a big whinny baby and I’m way to old for all this but I really hope you all understand and can give me some words of encouragement and friendly advise. Thanks so much for listening.
Post # 3
Whoa- wall of text there.
First of all. BREATH!!!
Second. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok. I know when you’re in the heat of the moment-it might seem like the end of the world. But lets look at the positives here
Your man realized how much he means to you
He PROPOSED (lets say it again becasue it’s amazing)
He got over his commitment fear and wants to be with you FOREVER
Ok, so you don’t like the ring.You have options. You can
1. ask if you can go shopping TOGETHER and purchase an “upgrade”
2. Shop for your wedding band and pick out something amazing
Really, as a former waiting bee (known here as girls waiting for an engagement) proposals are the hard emotional part. The ring is just the symbol.
Like I said. Breath. It’s ok
Post # 4
To me, a ring is a ring is a ring. I can say I would be legitimately over the moon if my So had proposed to me with *anything*.
If you’re unhappy, I suggest buying your own ring. Otherwise, I’d learn to love the one you have.
It does sound like he was bullied, but that would be better known by you than any of us. I only have to go on to form an opinion of what I’ve read.
Post # 5
Cost of the ring is a touchy subject. A plastic ring is almost offensive, I get that, but if you know how tight-fisted he is with money, did you expect much else?
The biggest part of this is that you’re engaged. He proposed. Would you trade that for a huge rock? Probably not.
I’d tell him your feelings about the ring, but if anything, buy yourself a nicer ring if it matters that much to you and he is unwilling to bend. After all, it’s going on your finger so you might as well like it and avoid turning your skin green!
Post # 6
Congrats!! It doesn’t sound like you bullied him into it at all. I’m sure in some way he doesn’t want to fight about it anymore but clearly he already had things planned so I wouldn’t harp on it. Are you sure that he actually meant this PLASTIC ring as your real ring? I mean, being “tight-fisted” is one thing but since when do people wear plastic jewelry? I dont know if you’ve asked him about it but perhaps he just didn’t want to buy something legit without you being there because it’s a big deal. My Fiance definitely could never ever pick out a ring on his own because spending that much money without my input is way too far out of his comfort zone. But seriously, there’s no way he actually thinks you’re going to wear a plastic ring around! I agree that maybe you should just get a really nice band and end it at that!
Post # 7
Thank you ladies for responding. That was a huge block of text and a very long rambling explanation. LOL I really do just need to take a moment and chill.
I waisted 9 years with the wrong man once and now I have the right one. I really just want to be his wife and I want him to want to be my husband. I’m ready to get the ball rolling toward that.
I don’t really know what his intentions are with the ring. I did try to explain to him why it hurt my feelings. I would have rather he ask with nothing at all because the plastic ring says to me your not important enough to spend my money on but I have to show up with something. But then again that may just be me reading more in to it.
Post # 8
I understand being tight about money and all but if he spends more on the drinks that got you drunk than on the “symbol” of love that you need to wear on your hand all the time…then thats where I dont understand it.
Yes, you should be happy you are engaged and you know he is right for you but being tight with money doesnt warrant a $10 ring. Even if he spent some at the pawn shop like you said. This ring should last a lifetime…will the plastic even hold up? Maybe approach it to him that way. Ask if you guys can get one together. Even sometime small or on sale…just say you want something metal that is permanent and durable…
Just remember to be happy you have found someone to be happy with. Never forget it
Post # 9
Ok I’m going to be completely honest. I would be out in a flash over a plastic ring. Where do you go about buying a plastic ring? Those quarter machines in the supermarket?