(Closed) Not sure how to feel…LONG

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

Sounds like jealousy to me…Are you close to the girls?  You could ask them to step down but I’m afraid it would cause more family drama…I might just ignore it.

Post # 5
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

Why not see if you can reschedule the bachelorette for another weekend that is more convenient?  As far as bridesmaids complaining about the cost of the dress, $250 is a lot for a dress, but it *is* the dress they picked out.  I’d point that out to them, and to the crazy mother.  People get very sensitive about others’ weddings. Weddings, especially large ones, can come across as the hosts flashing their money, and those who don’t have as much can often react defensively, even though you aren’t trying to make them feel bad.  We had that problem with our wedding– people had a lot to say about how much we were spending, but no one complained while they were enjoying their delicious food and free booze.

Post # 8
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow. They are being totally unfair to you, not to mention unsupportive! And yeah, $250 is a lot but THEY PICKED IT OUT. And as far as the bachelorette party goes, I don’t think it’s too much to expect them to organize something. I don’t expect my MOH/BMs to pay for everything – I’m certainly willing to chip in because I know they’ll be spending money on their dresses, getting there, gift, etc. – but, unless you said you didn’t want a party or care that much about it, heck yeah I’d expect them to plan something! I don’t know what the deal is but it sounds like they are just being lazy and complaining for the sake of complaining.

And your BMs mom – what a b***h! SO inappropriate. I can’t believe she’d have the audacity to say the things she did. That is completely classless and tacky. Your mom is a true lady for biting her tongue! My mom certainly wouldn’t have…

Post # 10
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yikes, I’m really worry you’re dealing with all this! I will never understand why, but weddings tend to bring out the worst in people, if not the best. When we first started planning our wedding last July (I’m also a September bride!), my fiance asked all his groomsmen about attire costs and such, and they all agreed to it. When my fiance purchased the suits, under budget I might add, two of the three groomsmen stiffed us for seven months, and wouldn’t return our calls. We ended up having to tell them kindly to pay us back by a certain date, or step down. They’re no longer in the wedding, and they acted like we were the bad guys.

You just never know! Friend/family problems was one thing we least expected because we picked people to be in our wedding party who we were both really close to. My fiance lost two friends, and the situation was awful. So I know how you feel, and I’m sorry you’re being treated this way. I’m not sure why people in your wedding party agree to one thing with open arms, and then a few months later, complain about it! Brides and grooms are not mind readers!

At this point, I would just take things as they come, and do your best to be gracious. Once the wedding is over, you won’t have to deal with this again. It’s just so strange, isn’t it?

Post # 11
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

From the other perspective, when I was a bridesmaid and the Maid/Matron of Honor sent all of the bridesmaids an email requesting $150 from each bridesmaid so that we could purchase a group bridal shower gift (we were also paying for part of the shower).  I could afford the $150 gift, but I knew that not all of the bridesmaids could, and was stuck in a really awkward position in which I didn’t know how to respond to the Maid/Matron of Honor.  Fortunately, one of the other bridesmaids brilliantly announced that she had been so excited about the shower she had already run out and purchased a gift and also had a family conflict that prevented her from attending the shower.  The point I am trying to make is that it is really hard when you are in a group to stand up and say, "um, I really can’t afford that dress/gift/shower idea."  This might be particularly true when you have a bridal party made up of family members instead of close friends who don’t want to appear cheap and be gossiped about.  One of your bridesmaids may have loved the dress, and everyone agreed without looking at the price tag, and some of the others may feel roped into purchasing an expensive dress they can’t rewear (it may be lovely, but it is unlikely your bm will rewear the dress).  I’m not saying that any of this is even remotely your fault – since you did choose a less expensive dress – but just trying to explain why your bridal party may feel resentful.  You might want to consider chipping in for part of the dress to keep family harmony.

Post # 13
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow..I can’t believe that they didn’t even plan you a proper bachlorette. That is their job, and they should make it as fun as they would expect back. They sound like they are more work than it’s worth. At least your one friend seems to be helping. If they are being this rude at a time like this in your life, you might need to re-evaluate your friendships with them.

Post # 14
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

man, your BM’s are rude!  not only are they compaining about the price of the dress they picked out, but didn’t plan anything for your B party.  they are being extremely unfair to you and it really hurts when you ask someone to be in your wedding and they can careless about half the things that mean everything to you. 

i just found out that one of my BM’s hates the dress i picked out.  but when i asked everyone they all said "yay i love it!"…so now i feel bad for having one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man having to buy and wear a dress she hates..

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