(Closed) Not sure how to handle this guest…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would just lie. Say you invited him and claim he declined. If he’s not an idiot (which he well may be) he won’t mention it to his mom.

 

Or you could call/ email him saying you’re aware what happened to Fiance and he will not be invited however should anyone ask either of you the plan is to say he was invited however he polietly declined due to other obligations.  Essentially force him into lying by almost blackmailing him.

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think straight up lying is the only way you’re going to get away with this. Otherwise questions will be asked and you may be forced into answering.

I really don’t think it’s healthy though for your Fiance to refuse to talk about this with you and even with his mom. Perhaps a counselling session may help him reach out. Consider this: don’t you think his mom has some right to know that she supports and befriends a man who has committed child abuse? How can she possibly prevent such a re-occurrance? What about when uncle abuser would like to visit your children?

I really think you should convince Fiance to discuss this with his mother. I’d agree she’ll probably put the fault on her, but a counsellor should be able to make him see dealing with this on his own isn’t healty as well as help his mother see how she isn’t at fault here. Molesters are OFTEN one of the family and very unsuspecting.

Post # 6
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@keepquiet:  I would just tell whomever asks about it that you never received a response and assumed it was a no.  Then you can say the invite got lost in the mail and nobody is on the hook for anything.  I wouldn’t contact him because it’s been this long and it may bring up even worse memories for your Fiance.  If anyone asks if you called, just say yes and never heard back, it was busy, etc.

Post # 7
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would have your Fiance contact him (not by phone. That would be too hard) and tell him that due to circumstances in the past, he is not welcome at the wedding. And to keep families happy, discretion is appreciated.

Post # 8
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

aw so sad for your Fiance, dont invite him, if mom brings it up I agree just say you didnt hear back from him (which is true because you never invited him) if she pushes for it, maybe come clean

Post # 9
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m not sure how well simply not sending the invitation would work. If this man and your FI’s mother talk, and she assumes he is invited to the wedding and mentions something, then he says he didn’t receive an invitation, she’ll say “but of course you’re invited, I’ll tell keepquiet and Fiance that you plan to come.”

 

I don’t have any advice about what to do, I just caution you about not sending the invitation and assuming he won’t find out/come anyway.

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