Not sure how to handle this: opinions needed

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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topshelfprincess :  

I’m on team friend.

It’s possible that the parents might have information that you don’t know, or it’s possible that they are having trouble letting their daughter be an adult.

I don’t see any harm in supporting your friend. Even if the wedding doesn’t happen, they are still in a relationship and moving forward.

I wouldn’t respond to the parents and I would follow your heart and support your friend. It sounds like you really care about them, they are lucky to have you in their corner.

Post # 4
126 posts
Blushing bee

Be excited for her! Even if the relationship ends, this is an exciting time in her life and she clearly needs the support of a friend.

Post # 5
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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topshelfprincess :  Support your friend.  She needs you now more than ever.  Just be there for her, whatever happens.  

Post # 6
4039 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

Support your friend. Maybe the parents have reason to take the stance they have taken… maybe they dont. It sounds like you really love your friend and they really love thier fiance. I would support them and ultimately if it does end up falling apart, you can be there for them but at least they will know you were on their side. I would be so hurt if a friend of mine took my parents side and did not support a relationship I believed in, especially when it sounds like they’ev worked really hard to maintain this relationship.

Post # 7
10403 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

They’ve made it work for 5 years and seem happy so i’d be inclined to support my friend as a friend and let her parents handle their own issues with it directly with the couple.

Relationships work/dont work all the time, you should still try to support the healthy ones at the time until whatever happens happens.

Post # 8
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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topshelfprincess :  This is hard because the parents might just have more insight than you.  They have never lived independently, do the parents feel they are unable to?  The girl currently isn’t working but has she ever?  How much do her parents support her at home? 

Or the parents might just be overbearing, there really isn’t enough information in the post to make a firm judgment. 

Autism and learning difficulties aside if they are that religious they are allowed to not want them staying in the parent’s house together before marriage. 

Post # 10
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

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Sansa85 :  That was such a nice response! The internet needs more people like you 😉

Post # 11
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I say that whatever the parents believe about this relationship is not your business, as much as they want to drag you into it. I’d even tell them this! Your friend’s wellbeing is your business, though, and I say you tune out the parents’ negativity and be a big cheerleader for your friend. Don’t engage with the parents, don’t respond to anything they ask you or tell you. 

Post # 12
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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topshelfprincess :  They are doing her a disservice. They won’t be around forever and should be encouraging her to be independent and setting up a situation where she can do so. I can imagine it is scary for parents to let go to a certain extent. I have a friend from highschool who has an intellectual disability. Her parents did everything to set her up to be able to live independently. She has done so for the last 10 years successfully. Her parents did worry when she met her now fiance. They finally came on board after a year of them dating.  They have lived together for the last five years and have recently been talking about having a baby. Her parents and his are extremely worried as they feel neither of them will be capable of looking after a child and the financial and emotional element will then fall on them as grandparents when they already feel they have the worry of a child will a intellectual disability. I wonder if this is something that is worrying your friends parents and is contributing to this situation?

I think you should continue to support them as much as you can. From what it sounds like they both capable of living a full independent life together with minimal help from others. I also think your support and help will be beneficial for both of them in the future. Their parents won’t be around forever to look out for them.

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