(Closed) Not sure how to handle

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

What FI’s sister wants should not govern your wedding.  However, if your Fiance also wants this person to officiate, then you two need to talk it out and come to some compromise.  If Fiance can never say no to anyone but you, perhaps some counseling is in order, or you’ll be dealing with a lifetime of this.

Post # 4
20 posts
  • Wedding: January 2011

@youhavemyheart: You are not overreacting! It is you and your fiances wedding and no one elses. I am catholic as well and the engagement is a very long process in the church. You will be sharing details with your priest that no one but your fiancee knows during marriage preparation. Maybe if he is close in the family he would be invited anyways and would have a better time watching with the rest of the family?

Post # 5
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I would not feel comfortable discussing relationship/sexual/spiritual stuff with a family member.  Go with your gut, my suggestion is to use a priest you feel comfortable with like your regular parish priest.  My suggestion is to give your Fiance an alternative choice for a priest, and then kindly ask him to tell his sister to BUTT OUT.  It’s not her Sacrament.  It’s yours and your Fiance’s.

Post # 7
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I agree that you should do whatever YOU want. Period.

But you should also make sure to separate a general feeling of you struggling against control from FI’s family and this particular issue, because it may not be that FI’s sister wants to “control” things; it could be that she’s simply enthusiastic about this priest–maybe he IS a friend and she wants to see him perform a ceremony of someone close to her. Maybe she thinks he’s just really great. Maybe she thinks you and Fiance will really mesh well with him. Maybe she just wants to get him a gig. I mean, is there anything wrong with just meeting the guy? If you don’t like him, then find someone else. And not like this doesn’t happen or couldn’t happen in your case, but no spritual leaders I know would gossip amongst family members in their congregation.

(Another thing to consider, by the way, is do you really want to spend time searching for an officiant if you “don’t really care”? If I were in your shoes, I’m the sort of bride that’d be like “Great! Done.”)

Post # 9
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just make your own plans. It’s not like she can book him for you. Just do your own thing – it’s your wedding.

Post # 11
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Tell her that while you appreciate her input, it is a decision to be made by you and your Fiance and that you will discuss all of your options before deciding. Probably won’t stop her, but it’s polite and to the point.

Post # 12
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think you should do whatever you and Fiance want.  One option is that if you don’t care who does the ceremony but don’t want to share private stuff with family (totally understand!), it is possible to have this priest do the ceremony and someone else do your preparation.  I know of two couples that did this; both the grooms had a close family member who was a priest, so they did the ceremony but had their counseling done with a different priest.

If it doesn’t mean anything to you or Fiance, it’s kind of nice to have the same priest do the prep and the ceremony.

Post # 13
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

IT  is Fiance and your decision.  I would find out why she is so insistant on this priest.  He may do a beautiful ceremony, and that’s what she would like for you; he may be more accepting of you not being catholic than most.  If it doesn’t feel right, talk to Fiance very openly and make a decision together.  I would however get to the bottom of the WHY.  I wouldn’t wait very long to find an officiant, especially if planning a church wedding.  Catholic weddings tend to be very extensive planning, especially if one of you isn’t catholic (knew someone who had to get baptized, take communion, etc before priest would marry them in church).  Either way, make your decision with Fiance, then tell Future Sister-In-Law what BOTH of you have decided and that will put an end to that discussion!

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