(Closed) not sure how to interpret this invite…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 122
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

sorry I just had to chime in here – I’m from Scotland where evening invites are very common, but I wouldn’t invite someone to drive all that way and then expect them to be apart from their fiance – that’s just rude.  As a poster said above it’s even worse that she wants you for her photos – I’ve never heard of that in my life!

I’d spend the money for the trip on an evening out with your fiance, send an apology and a card with an average gift.  Don’t react to it, rise above – but as the other girls are saying, your fiance shouldn’t even be considering attending without you.

Post # 123
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It boggles my mind how they could think this was a good idea and not rude, tacky, and INCREDIBLY selfish. They’re asking you to devote 6+ hours of your time to their day, without having to include or pay for you! Not to mention, you get to sit around while Fiance goes off and has fun with people who see no problem with excluding you.

So even after seeing the invite and hearing you out, he sees no problem with it? Even if they do have budget concerns and guest limits, does he not see why you would be getting the short end of the stick, through no fault of your own? Okay, they have budget issues. However, that’s no reason to punish you by asking you to accompany Fiance for a 2.5 hour drive, wait in the car for an hour, and then fill up 6 hours (and find dinner) by yourself while Fiance is treated to dinner and drinks. And then you get to join in on the dancing, where everyone else will be talking about the wedding and dinner that you weren’t invited to attend.

Post # 124
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@amicelli13:  That is SO WEIRD!!! and rude and kind of hilarious all at the same time because how could anyone possibly think that that’s an Ok invite to send?

Post # 126
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@amicelli13:  That is absolutely awful! There aren’t words to describe how hurtful, tactless, rude and classless this is. One would have to wonder if the couple is mad at you for some reason because that wording is so carefully worded and deliberate to exclude you. I’m so sorry for you. If that were done to me I would absolutely be reconsidering my friendship with this couple. And I cannot believe your Fiance would not stand by you as I’m sure you are upset by this. My guy would absolutely not be okay with this. It’s one thing if you were not invited at all, but this is an entirely different level inviting you to some parts of their wedding and not others. You decide what you will do but I know that I would decline then send a card and write nothing but my name in it (I also would not be inviting people like this to my own wedding). I would also be beyond upset if my guy was excusing this rudeness and going. Please update and let us know what you and your Fiance decide to do.


As much as it would be tempting to be really snarky with the couple and make a scene (if you go) by letting other guests know, I wouldn’t. It’s not worth it. I would, however, try to find out if there was something that happened which made the couple be this outwardly rude and exclude you (though if they had such a major problem with you then they should not have invited you at all). This is just beyond mean.


Post # 127
1223 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Simple; send your regrets and a simple gift in the mail. Rude ass issued solved.

Post # 128
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow, that is a different kind of invite. lol

Post # 129
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

If your Fiance won’t back you up and decline, I’d attend the whole thing.

Fuck them, they’ll have 2 options- ask you to leave in front of everyone, but come back later, which makes them look ridiculous OR they’ll do nothing and let you attend the whole thing as they should have!

How rude. You’re engaged, that means that right up until this couple are married, your relationship is the same ‘level’ as their. I wonder how they would feel being split up for 6 hours in a strange town because someone is too cheap to pay for their meals! Venue restriction my ass- if it’s the venue with the limitation then why are you allowed at that venue AFTER dinner? They’re just cheap. Either they shouldn’t have invited you at all or they should have invited both of you, so as not to disrespect you/your relationship.

Post # 130
8 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

“Remember the time I was invited to watch a couple take photos AFTER their wedding ceremony? And nothing else for 6 hours? Oh my, what fun I had!”

Said no one ever.

It does make for a fun memory tho!  Just decline and wish them the best 🙂 People have different views on what makes a gracious host, I wouldn’t hold it against them.

Post # 131
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

wow people get really creative with their rudness.  I’d be livid at Fiance who seems to think it is no big deal.  You should def not bother going and if your Fiance had any respect for you he wouldn’t go either.


Post # 132
105 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t go if it were me. Very rude!

Post # 133
469 posts
Helper bee

Ah, my lovely SO and his sarcastic comments. I could explain everything or watch this comedian and see if it gives you any “simple gift” ideas Wink


Post # 134
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

So.. I have a question that might have already been adressed, but I didn’t see it.

The actual invite mentioned your names? That means each invite was persoanlized? I feel like that would cost a small fortune. Like if they had less complicated invites manybe then they could have afforded to feed everyone lol

Post # 135
442 posts
Helper bee

I am amazed at the number of ppl who say “don’t go but send a gift”. Eff that noise to the Nth degree! I would be   MO RE inclined to RSVP decline, and say I donated their gift money to charity … At least the recipient would appreciate the gift!



I refuse to reward bad behavior or rudeness … Be it from a child or a grown-up!


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