Post # 1
One of my friends is expecting a baby. She’s not married to the father (though they are together and thinking of marrying eventually). They’ve been together for less than a year, and both have other kids. Their financial situation is not great.
She’s going around announcing the news like it’s the most amazing thing in the world. They both seem to treat it like some kind of game rather than the huge responsibility it is. I don’t know what to say to her. I really felt like they were rushing into the relationship and moving in together too quickly (there was some drama with his previous girlfriend and a bit of a messy situation). But I didn’t say anything and tried to support her through it. I thought it’s not my call who she dates or lives with, and since they’re not rushing into marriage she could always end it if it didn’t work out.
But having a baby is a lot more serious, and I just think it’s so irresponsible of her to treat it lightly. I know I should be congratulating her, but what I really want to say is Why did you rush into this? How are you going to support this kid financially while also supporting your other child and his? Should I just keep my mouth shut or can I voice my concerns? And why would she have a baby with someone she just started dating? Don’t they have plenty of time if he’s really The One?
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Post # 3
She’s your friend… you should congratulate her and let her know you’re there for her if she ever needs it. What are your options here, really? She is already pregnant, probably not planned, and she is making the best of it. You say she has other children, so she knows what she is getting herself into. She’s been through it before. Did she move too fast? Maybe… but it really isn’t your place to judge and what would you suggest she do at this point? She is already pregnant so her only options are to keep it and be thrilled (which she has chosen to do) or terminate (which you have absolutely no right to push her into). We can love our friends without loving their choices.
Post # 4
Telling her what you really think isn’t going to make her any less pregnant, she is either way. Honestly, I would congratulate her and let them worry about their finances and how seriously they take it. As long as the children aren’t at risk for harm, then it’s really no one else’s business. That probably sounds harsh, but I don’t mean it that way. :/
Post # 5
Keep your mouth shut. There are a lot of people that have babies and shouldn’t. If she is excited and the father is excited then in my opinion all you need to say to her is “congratulations”. You can have your own thoughts about how irresponsible it is for her to have a baby, but perhaps you don’t know the full story and perhaps they weren’t planning on having a baby but it just happened by accident. The thing is you might not know the full story and no matter what you shouldn’t say anything bad to her, it’s not like it is going to change the situation. She’s pregnant and is probably not going to abort it just because someone else tells her she’s not ready for it. Be a friend and congratulate her instead of trying to overanalyze her situation.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I’d congratulate her and be happy for her. Let her worry about the rest – they’re obviously excited about it, and if they both have other kids they know what the responsibility is like.
Post # 7
@Corgi, that is a wonderful saying: “We can love our friends without loving their choices.” I completely agree.
@girlwitharing- I don’t think your friend needs to hear your concerns. She might already have enough people expressing similar concerns. Just try to be happy for her and be there for her.
Post # 8
i would just congratulate her and support her. otherwise, she’ll probably just be upset with you, and that doesn’t solve anything. it probably wasn’t a planned pregnancy, and there’s nothing she can do about it now, so why be bitter and upset? it’s better for the baby if she at least tries to make things work with the dad.
Post # 9
I think as a good friend, you need to primarily be there to support her and her decisions. Now, I think some of the concerns you have she has probably had too. And if she doesn’t, she will once the baby is here and those problems are present. I can’t imagine that they outright planned to get pregnant. So, if I were in her shoes, I would want my friends to be there for me, even if I knew I had made a mistake. If you want to talk to her about it, sit her down at a set time and explain your concerns. She may have already figured out some of the issues you’ve mentioned, you just have to ask her.
You never know, my step-sister had four kids, divorced her husband, met a guy with two from his first marriage and then they had two of their own before getting married. They struggle financially, but they couldn’t be happier and the kids are provided for with what they need. They do pretty well for themselves, given their situation. I think they are a great couple and great parents!
Post # 10
You need to be there for her if she’s a close friend. If she’s not, at least congratulate her and keep the comments to yourself. Yes, you see this as a train wreck, and it’s possible she sees this as a train wreck even if she doesn’t act that way in public. In private she may be really freaked out and is overly happy so she gets the reassurance from everyone else.
I’ve been there. I was in a bad situation. I got pregnant right as my first marriage was ending and I KNEW how screwed I was, but I really needed others to tell me they were happy and everything was going to work out fine.
Post # 11
Don’t voice your opinion unless she asks! I did, and it really hurt my friendship with my friend. The fact that they both already have kids makes me think that they do realize what they are getting into, not like first time parents. Also, you want to know why she rushed into having a baby with him, but was it planned? This is their life and their problems and you just need to be by her side and be there if she needs you.
Post # 12
The baby is already on the way, and she does think it’s great news. That’s the first thing a baby needs: to be loved and supported. Yes, it’s going to be hard work, but they boht already have children so I think they know what they’re getting into. Congratulate her and think about ways that you are willing and able to help. I bet she and the dad would love some time alone, to prepare for this new baby, maybe you can take the older kids out for a bit.
Post # 13
Now isn’t the time to be judgemental. If you think he is treating her wrong or being abusive, that’s one thing, but these are decisions she has made as a rational adult and since she’s your friend unfortunatley your only choice is to be supportive. I wouldn’t ever support her monetarily, but be there for her emotionally and physically. Sounds like they both love having kids and if they plan to get married one day, this is probably better news than you think..
Post # 14
Whether or not this guy is ‘the one’, your friend is excited about having a baby. Be happy for her!
Despite your concerns, she more than likely DOES understand what it means to have a child – she already has one, so she’s lived through it!
Post # 15
I would just congratulate her and be quiet about the rest. I’m sure she understands what a responsibility it is but she is probably just trying to make the best of a not great situation. She probably didn’t mean to get pregnant but they are being happy to try and make the best of a bad situation.