- 5 years ago
Hi ladies! (And the occasional lurking dude, I suppose…)
Here’s my story (it’s a long one)…I rang in the new year with a life-threatening emergergency medical procedure (I was in my hospital bed attached to a catheter, stomach tube, oxygen mask, and two IVs as I heard the nurses in the hallway count down to midnight…bummer!) Don’t worry, I’m doing much better now and will be back to normal by the end of the month! 🙂 But the whole ordeal made me realize what’s important to me, what I want out of life, etc. etc. etc. and I realized that I’m ready to get engaged to my incredible, loving boyfriend of 9 months (who took the week off from work and was there next to me in the hospital every day, all day while I was there.) He is absolutely my soul mate – there is no doubt in my mind. We have been living together since September (the 5 month point in our relationship to the day.) He just turned 29 in November and I’ll be 26 in May. I know what you’re thinking – “wow, those two moved fast.” We have one of those relationships that just “clicked” from the minute we met each other, and then a bed bug situation ended up expiditing the moving-in-together process – it was supposed to be a temporary situation until the infestation went away but we ended up loving living together and made it official. It’s been going perfectly.
My issue is that due to a horrible, horrible ex-boyfriend in my past (we dated for about 3 years and lived together for the last 3 months of the relationship), when I met my current boyfriend, I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to get married to anyone, period. I had major trust issues and when my boyfriend brought up marriage about two months into our relationship (he was sort of feeling the waters to get a sense of whether or not it was something I wanted), I told him that I was conflicted and wasn’t sure if I believed in it. He confessed that he didn’t really think it was necessary unless you want to have kids (which we both do, eventually.) After listening to my fears about marriage, my boyfriend determined that I “wasn’t ready” (his words) to think about it and he never brought it up again. At the time, he was right.
But a lot has changed since then. That was 7 months ago. My trust issues are completely gone and I know that I’d be happy with him for the rest of my life. We have both said things to each other like, “I want to be with you for the rest of my life,” “I want to grow old with you, “You’re The One,” etc…and we’ll both joke to each other sometimes about being parents, getting old, and so on. Because of my recent brush with death, we’ve been especially heavy on that sort of talk over the last two weeks since we are both so grateful that I’m alive and survived unscathed. The problem is that he is still operating under an outdated assumption that I’m not ready to think about marriage, based on the conversation we had 7 months ago. Last night we were out at dinner with my aunt, who happened to casually mention that if I should ever want it, she has a three carat ring that she’d love to give my boyfriend to sell or trade in for a ring for me. Later, when we got home, my boyfriend said, “It’s nice to know that when you’re ready, there’s a big ring waiting for you.”
I smiled and laughed but I thought…when I’m ready? “I’m?” Why didn’t he say “we’re?” Is he not ready? Or does he just not want to scare me because he still thinks that I’m not ready? Because I am!
Anyway, my question is…how do I bring this up in a way that doesn’t scare him off and make him think that I’m suddenly totally wedding obsessed? (He must never know that I look at ring porn on Wedding Bee on a daily basis!) Like I said, we’ve already dropped all of the “I want to be with you forever” hints, so if I say that type of stuff again, it’s not going to do much…how do I make it clear to him that my feelings about marriage as an institution have changed and it’s something I want with him whenever he is ready to pop the question?