(Closed) Not sure how to tread- please help

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4064 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Well, I agree that I wouldn’t want someone who clearly has so disrespect for my wedding standing beside me.  All you can do is be honest and open.  Your Fiance told you she had reservations, so just say something along the lines of “I’m not comfortable having someone who doesn’t support us 100% stand beside us”. I don’t think that would come across bridezilla-like. Big hugs.

Post # 4
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you and your Fiance are open people then it is probably safe to assuem that you surround yourself with likeminded people. Obviously the relationship between your Fiance and his friend is open and she came to him openly with her concerns which she is entitled to have.

Just because someone has concerns and airs them does not necessarily means it is disrespectful. And obviously your Fiance didn’t think she did this in a disresectful manner since they have remained friends. Also it doesn’t mean she is unhappy with your union- she could have been generally been concerned about her friend, asked some questions, expressed an opinion and now be happy for him to make his own choice after the discussion with him.

Persoanlly I take issues with friends starting drama. As in the bestman coming and telling you about a private conversation that was held between him and your FI’s friend. If you can’t talk about dislikes with your friends then who can you talk to them aout with?

Is she ever rude to you? Does she exclude you?

Post # 6
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Personally, I’d tell him that I don’t want anyone standing up for us at the wedding if they aren’t 100% supporting your relationship and cheering for you to remain together forever.  I think that’s what the wedding party is for: to support your relationship.  Hopefully he can understand that.

That being said, he should have a similar talk with her and ask her if she is supportive and give her a chance to respond.  Since she didn’t have her opportunity to “talk sh*t” to him, you don’t know what she was going to say.  I think it’s good to keep such a standard for people in your weding party, but you also can’t assume her feelings until you’ve let her express them.

I personally had to make the difficult decision to not invite my close friend to be a bridesmaid.  She has openly disagreed with my relationship with my fiance.  We rarely had a visit or phone conversation where she wouldn’t “talk straight” to me, telling me again that we shouldn’t be together. She even wrote me a handwritten letter again asking me to reconsider and mailed it to me while I was living overseas. It was quite tiring, as you can imagine.  For the record, my fiance is a great and loving guy and treats me very well.  My friend disagreed with our religious differences (I’m a Christian, he isn’t).

Post # 7
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would let him know your concerns in a very level headed way. Boys especially tend to rear up when it feels that you are attacking their pals. I think you should anticipate her still being in the wedding party and if that would drive you absolutely nuts let him know. I know that when I’ve had a few days to simmer on wedding issues I’m usually over it and back to just obsessing about marrying my best friend. So take some time, and if it’s still bugging you/she’s acting like a b- bring it up. Otherwise, let go and let god. 




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