Post # 1
im having a situation like many girls out here
im 25 he’s 37 together a year and three months
He’s from another country but works here, has a contract.
So yesterday i asked why he doesnt want to talk about the future and plan anything. He said well because im temporary here and i dont know when i will have to go back. He doesnt want to stay here forever, so it’s definite that he will go back. And so he was like, and then what? You wouldnt want to be with me 5 times a year only (LDR).
I know for sure he has the contract for the next year.
He then says: ‘well i can tell you for sure that if you expect us to marry in 6 months thats not going to happen. Im not sure whether i want to get married or not”
I then asked questions and he said he’s scared we’ll get married and then he’ll get bored or annoyed and we’ll break up, so he says its his problem (the fear).
i’m not sure if i should propose to try to live together so that he understands if we’re compatible or not, or just let it go, set it free, i mean break up cause he’ll never marry and it’s all excuses
my issue is my health, i need to have kids as soon as possible.
i dont want him to marry just because i made him to, and i dont want to leave without being sure i have nothing better to do. I am still afraid i might just be convenient for him and he will leave back home and it will be the end of the story
Thanks to everyone who will comment
This topic was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by . Reason: mistakes
Post # 2
It sounds like an issue that should not be forced. You are on different pages. It might be best to move on. I do not say that lightly.
Post # 3
I agree with @theatrejulia.. it really sounds like you are on different pages. Be might also be feeling pressures to get married because you want kids so soon. Also it’s only been just over a year, gotta give a guy some time. Especially since he is in his late 30’s and probably already made the decision regarding marriage and kids, but doesn’t know how to tell you.
Post # 4
It sadly sounds like you just aren’t a match for each other for more than one reason. Maybe it is best to move on.
Post # 5
you mean, made the decision he doesnt want them?
The crappy thing is, we already had the talk like that in November, i was like, if you dont want to have a family of your own, get married, just tell me so that we dont waste our time. He said: I was thinking you might be the one for me i can imagine us having a house and a child
And so i guess that was a trick to keep me around?
So confused. You say give him some time? How long?
Post # 6
I think you already have your answer. Act in accordance to this. then, if he is serious about actually marrying you and having a family together, you”ll have very clear concrete evidence of this by his ACTIONS not what he says.
Post # 7
It doesn’t mean he tricked you. Don’t invent a scenario. If you want to have kids soon, then I think you need to look elsewhere for a partner. He’s not ready, and might never be.
Post # 8
thanks for your comments!
I just know how people first think one thing, then another, and so i was wondering if im selfish and i think only about my needs and how fair is to bring up ultimatum or say i cant wait anymore, because how do you know if he’s going to be ready or not?
what actions should there be?
Post # 9
Us women are bad for this. A man will give us a straight up answer, yet we still try to dissect and analyze it to find a hidden message. When a man tells you something, believe him the first time. I hate to say this, and I know it’s not what you want to hear…but I would prepare myself to exit the relationship. Living together is not going to change his mind if he doesn’t plan on staying here in the first place. To me it sounds like you’ve become something to pass his time with whIle hes in the country. If he saw a future with you, he would be open to marriage because he knows that’s what you want…and he would be making plans to stay or move you with him. If you’re 25 and wish to have children soon, I wouldn’t waste my time on someone who is clearly giving you a dead end. I know all of this is easier said than done, but you don’t want to wake up a year from now when the end becomes a reality. He’s telling you he doesn’t want to get married, he’s telling you he’s leaving after his contract expires….believe him.
Post # 10
Break up with him, he will not marry you, sorry. You really don’t know what his life back home is like…
Post # 11
Oh hunny I’m sorry. He is not the right person for you. 🙁 If you really love him you will need to give up on marriage dreams.