(Closed) Not sure I want my Father walking me down the aisle

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5177 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I do not think this is a soap opera, so do not fret. I did not even invite my bio father at my wedding for various reasons (we were in touch). Neither did my husband have his there (not in touch). No aisle either so even if they were there…anyway, no one walked me down any aisles and my husband and I just arrived together.

This is not a mandatory element of the wedding. If you do not ask him to walk you down the aisle, or have him at rehearsal (if you have one) to do it, I can’t imagine he is going to expect to be doing it. There is NO rule that fathers need to walk their daughters down aisle, and indeed many do away with this for many reasons (fathers not present in lives, do not agree with the patriarchial past of that tradition, etc).

 

Post # 4
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

@luna28:  In the end it is up to you. I don’t know much of your background on this but I would try and worry about the present and forget about what is in the past. You said you currently talk to him on the phone and see him on important events so you have somewhat of a relationship with him. I don’t see what the harm would be in having him walk you down the isle since you don’t seem to currently be on bad terms with him. I LIVE with my dad yet I hardly every talk to or see him….. yet he is still going to be the one walking me down the isle because after all he is my father, regardless of the past. Even though he may not have been there for you for some of the most important years of your life, God brought you together eventually. Just do whatever makes you happy! Smile

Post # 5
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t know that I would call this a soap opera, exactly.

Do you know why he wasn’t there for you when you were younger? I mean, saying you think he doesn’t deserve that moment seems a little harsh, whether or not you ultimately end up including him in the ceremony.

I would say that you might consider whether you want to skip that part of the ceremony just because you do, or if you want to skip that part of the ceremony just to stick a thumb in his eye.

If you just aren’t that fired up about that part of the ceremony anyway, fine; no harm, no foul. He’ll be there anyway.

But if your only motivation is to get back at him for not being there for you years ago – after he has been for the last 8 – I’d tell you to take a serious thinking session about your motives. And then talk to him.

Post # 6
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it’s perefectly fine if you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle, if you think he doesn’t ‘deserve it,’ or otherwise. It’s your choice what you do, but I think you should talk to him to see what his expectations are – or if that’s too awkward, just announce that no one will be walking you down the aisle.

Do you have any siblings that you’re close to? My younger brother is walking me down, as my father passed away a few years ago. He’s only 14, but like my best friend, and I know he is so honoured to be doing the job.

Post # 7
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

It annoys me that wedding traditions have become dogma that people are expected to follow, or it’s a ‘slap in the face.’ Before you know it, it’s a slap in the face not to have a wedding party. Especially if you have one and you don’t pick all of the groom’s siblings (or any of them), etc. An insult if you don’t have special seatings of the parents. An insult here, an insult there.

Do whatever you want to do at a wedding. I’m walking myself down the aisle. I told my dad the same. Partly because I don’t like the history of the practice, partly because my dad has trouble standing and walking…and partly just because I wanted to go to the altar by myself.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

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