(Closed) Not sure I want to get married anymore..

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wedding aside (all this current drama), tell me why you wat to marry your Fiance ?

Post # 5
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Kristyn02:  Hey, My wedding is about a year away and i jsut went through a similar thing with my Fiance… he is not helpfull and even when he told me to just tell him when he needs to do something and when it needs to be done by… its like pulling teeth at the last minute… I had a ton of other brides reassure me that this wasnt just my Fiance, and that it was theirs too… men dont seem to care about the wedding too much, but that they jsut want to be married to you. after all this happened, i sat down with my Fiance and told him (on neutral grounds – when we both werent upset with eachother enymore) how i felt, that i realize that weddings arent his thing and that even though i realize this stuff now, that if he continues to seem unattached to the planning process… that it was still going to upset me.

We both seemed to find common ground… i talk about it a little less with him (i did kind of go over board on it with him) and he would try to have more imput… and the reason we decided he was going to try to have more imput and not just “be more involved” was that HE had something to look forward too… and those were his words.

Wedding are stressfull as is… trying to plan a huge event while taking all your guest, cost and desires into consideration, you guys gotta lighted the load by being on the same page.

I hope this helps. Good luck 

Post # 6
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Kristyn02:  I’m sorry things are tough right now .  . . . have you thought about the fact that perhaps the difficulties are a result of not spending much quality alone time together just to connect?  Why is it that you barely see him?  Maybe the two of you can prioritize a few date nights and one-on-one time to talk some of this out.  Is his family demanding things of him right now?  Is he getting pressure from work or some other source other than the wedding? I honestly think that tensions and distance build in a relationship when there is not enough couple one-on-one time. 

Post # 7
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmm its either wedding stress- like this is entirely wedding created and you’ll need to pick your battles  or there is something more serious going on!

I’m glad you are thinking about this and getting your feelings out. I like how you wrote a letter but you really want to talk with him, tell him how your feeling and ask whats up. If necessary it may be worth postponing the wedding until you get down to the bottom.

Post # 8
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you two need a break from wedding planning, and a chance to reconnect like the PPs mentioned. Wedding planning is really stressful, and generally, guys just honestly don’t care about the finer points like we do. And that’s totally okay, you guys just need to be okay with that. Maybe you all should have a wedding free weekend, try to get away somewhere, just the two of you, and remember why you’re getting married. The wedding is about two people coming together and celebrating their relationship, not the event itself.

Maybe next week, sit down and have a heart to heart about what he feels comfortable doing for the wedding. If he wants nothing to do with it except show up in a tux, fine, because if you assign him a ton of tasks and he has zero interest in it, that’s a recipe for a fight right there.

So for the next few days, refocus on your relationship. It sounds like you both need the break.

Post # 9
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

In addition to what the other ladies wrote, of primary concern to ME would be the money he is spending on the truck that he does not want to seem to disclose to you.  That would be a huge red flag for me and is worth having a discussion about.  We tell our kids “If you hide it from us it is because you KNOW it is wrong!” 

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