- 7 years ago
So my boyfriend/fiance asked me to marry him in the most nonchalant way you could imagine. Well, I never really expected it to be different because he already told me more than a year ago that he thinks marriage is just a piece of paper (and I told him it’s important to me). So a week ago, he ‘proposed’ to me while having breakfast at home, just saying that he has thought about marriage and thinks we should do it because of ‘all the benefits’ (taxes, company benefits, insurance etc.). I was a bit disappointed, but told him later okay, let’s do it. I was thinking that I cannot really change his opinion about marriage, but that he knows how important it is to me and that he will hopefully want to have a nice wedding etc as well.
He told me we can just go to the notary ‘in a week or so’ and sign the papers. That’s it. No ring, no vows, no ceremony. I asked him if he wants to get rings and he said he doesn’t really like rings. I told him it’s important to me and I would like to get some though. He said ok, nothing else.
A week passed and he hasn’t brought up marriage anymore at all, or looking at rings. Yesterday night I just had to ask him. I told him I’m not really okay with the idea to just go to the notary, sign some papers and go home. I told him that I don’t need a big party, but that I want it to be special, maybe have a little ceremony just the two of us somewhere romantic, and that I want rings. He didn’t really seem vey interested, just said ‘If that’s what you want okay’. Then I told him I also want our friends and family to know about it, I wanna tell people we get married because I’m excited. He didn’t really say anything. Then I asked him if he really wants to get married or if it’s just for the papers. He suddenly got really angry and said he doesn’t get what my problem is. I told him that I kinda expected him to say something about getting married, maybe suggest to look at rings or whatever. He said ‘If you want to look at rings, why don’t you suggest it’. I said ‘I already did, but you just said ok, nothing more’. I asked him again if he wants to get married just for the papers. He said to me in a very pissed voice that I know him and I know his opinion about marriage. ‘We’re together because we love each other and want to spend our lives together, so getting married is ok for me, but in the end it’s still just a piece of paper and doesn’t change anything’ he said. I told him that for me it’s the ultimate form of commitment, he again didn’t really say anything.
In the end he said that we can do whatever I want to do and that he’s happy when I’m happy. Nothing else. He said he now doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and that we can talk another day. Then he went to bed, still angry.
I don’t know what to do. I always dreamed about getting married one day, hoping that the man I marry feels the same about it. That it will be romantic and all we BOTH want. Now I don’t even know if I still want to get married. What’s the point in getting married if only one chooses venue, rings etc and the other one doesn’t really care and is just ‘ok with it’? What’s the point if for one it’s just a piece of paper? I don’t know if I really want to do this.
I know that he loves me, but I don’t know what to do. He has two friends that always felt the same as him about marriage and both of them are married now, had a big ceremony, telling me at their weddings that they didn’t want all this ‘until they met THE ONE’. My boyfriend/fiance has never changed his opinion about it.
Well, thanks for any input.