(Closed) Not sure if I should invite my father to our wedding

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. The decision lies with you, but remember that your wedding day is supposed to be happy. Would it make you happy to have your father there? Would it make you happy if your siblings are there? Which would make you happier?

Personally, I would recommend not inviting your father. I’d let your mom know that you’re doing this though because he might take it out on her and from what you’ve said he seems physically abusive as well as emotionally.

And after your wedding I think you and your siblings should sit down with your mother and talk to her about what’s going on. Because she is in an abusive relationship and has, at least in the past, been afraid for her physical safety. For her mental and physical health, she should really leave. Being ill is not a license to be an asshole.

Post # 3
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I wouldn’t invite him.  He sounds like a raging narcissist as well as everything else – mental and physical illness doesn’t excuse abuse and bad behaviour (a sick asshole is still an asshole).

What was the end result of your sister pressing charges?  There may be some condition which says he can’t go near her, and who would you rather have there – your bridesmaid sister or your abusive father?

This may strike a chord with you:

A Narcissist’s Prayer

That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was, that’s not a big deal.

And if it is, that’s not my fault.

And if it was, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did…

You deserved it.

Post # 4
Member
3608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t invite him. Are you he has schizophrenia? He sounds more like just an asshole to me. I think you are dreaming of a fairytale wedding with your two parents by your side. You are hoping for something that doesn’t exist. He does not sound like somebody who I would want around me ever and certainly not at a happy event like a wedding. 

Post # 5
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

Why did your mother keep you in that toxic, abusive environment? Why does she choose to stay now? Your siblings did the right thing by cutting him out of their lives, you need to do it too.  They are the only famiky you can count on in life now. Your mom proved her loyalty to her husband not her children, keep her at arm’s length.

NO DO NOT INVITE THAT MAN TO YOUR WEDDING!! 

Post # 6
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

dont invite him. and make the decision in your mind now so you have some time to process it and you won’t be upset about it on your big day.

Post # 7
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

I would absolutely not invite him. What of value would he add by being there? It sounds like his presence will at best only cause tension and upset for you and your siblings; at the worst, your inviting him may well mean that your sister and brother do not attend (in their position I would probably decline in all honesty).

I would suggest you try therapy as the fact you want to invite him/have doubts about inviting demonstrates that your thinking is not rational or healthy, IMO. DWIL may also be helpful.

And I agree with PP that he sounds like a narc to me, not a schizophrenic, and also that regardless of what physical or mental illnesses a person has, an asshole is an asshole, and illness isn’t an excuse.

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