(Closed) Not sure if I should keep waiting.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

Why not just go down to the Justice of the Peace and get married and have an intimate party after? You can afford that. And maybe bring up his spending and how you’d like to save more. Go over the past 3 months of expenses and figure out where the money went. I bet you’ll be shocked and when you show him (in a neutral, NON accusatory manner) he’ll be shocked too. Hopefully that will give him a push to hold onto his money more.

 

Post # 5
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

he doesnt sound very responsible, will this be his first child? has he been married before? if hes not even willing to go to a JOP, maybe hes not ready to take that next step. is he responsible when it comes to your child(ren)

Post # 6
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

Do you think he is resentful of you because you don’t have a job?  It sounds like he sees the money he is making as “his” and not for the wedding and the building a life together. 

 

You can do a wedding for really cheap if you cut corners and ignore some etiquitte guidelines.  I’d ask him to give you a solid budget.  “Can’t afford $1,500 and don’t want JOP, then what amount are you willing to put towards this “real” wedding”  I wish there was a way you could convince him that a JOP wedding with a small celebration afterwards is as real as any other wedding though.

 

Post # 7
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Given your update…. it doesn’t sound like he wants to be married.

 

So, the ball is in your court.  If you don’t want to continue to give him the familial beneifts of marriage without being married (the “free cow”, as you said), then you shouldn’t continue to be in a relationship with him.

It doesn’t sound like he *wants / is ready for / is looking toward* being MARRIED because that is about thinking of your FAMILY first.  Which means the money he is so freely spending on himself he would automatically begin allocating to you and the child you are having together.

Even though his WORDS are telling you he doesn’t want to get married right now….. his actions are SCREAMING that he doesn’t want to get married right now.

Post # 8
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

Posts like this make me sad. OP, you know more than we do so you know if he really wants to get married to you. His actions are saying it isnt a priority to him. What do you think?

ETA: just saw what 3xaCharm: said. Great minds think alike!

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He doesn’t sound very into the idea of marrying you. He either wants to marry you any way you can both afford at the moment, like JOP, or he doesn’t. You gave him an ultimatium (whether you realize or not), and this is the result. 

I think you need to have a discussion and find out if you both want the same things, and if you do come to a compromise on the wedding, do JOP now, and then have a vow renewal when you can afford the traditional affair. 

If not, then it’s time to leave.

Post # 11
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

@Memia: 

If I were you, I would extend the engagement until I could find a job. If you’re both working, it will make taking care of your family and paying for your wedding much more feasible. When my boyfriend lost his job, it was really hard on both of us, and we don’t even have children. I can’t even imagine how much more difficult things could be with kids, too.

 

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