(Closed) Not sure if I should of gotten married..

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t really want to talk to my husband about this though as I fear it is a Pandora’s box and if I do get over these feelings I don’t want to have hurt his feelings or put doubts in his head.

Get over that fear. If this marriage is going to work, you need to communicate with your husband. Not sharing your feelings will only make things worse, and he will most likely still notice that something is wrong. You were open with him before about your cold feet and he stuck with you as you worked through those feelings; give him the benefit of the doubt and be honest with him now.

Post # 4
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you should talk to you husband about it all and try to plan something for you both to look forward to.   Whether that is just a nice night/evening away, some hobby you can do together or some way for you to connect again.  I know you’re afraid to talk about it, but in order for things to get better, you need to communicate about this.   To put your head in the sand will probably make your feelings of disconnect grow even more.   Conversations like this aren’t easy to have, but necessary.

I think that a lot of marriages have peaks and valleys, and since there doesn’t sound like there is anything huge wrong, you just have disconnected a bit.   A lot of people marry their first love, and are happy, so I wouldn’t write yourself off.  Can you still get out and enjoy the company of your friends?  

Post # 5
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@linguo42: Yes definitely. I’m sure that your dad is probably right. There are things that some people want to explore and maybe you are feeling like you never had that opportunity because you me your husband so young. Maybe there are some fantasies that you have that you guys could experience together? Or maybe you just need to have new experiences and spice up the romance. I’m sure your husband will want to work through this with you – isn’t that what marriage is all about?

Post # 6
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think your Dad may be onto something. I had the exact same problem with my 1st marriage, we met when I was 15 years old and it wasn’t until later that I felt like maybe I should have experienced a bit more before settling down. Do keep the lines of communication open and you will feel better if you give your marriage your best shot.

Post # 7
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@dannielle89:  I really think that you need to speak to your husband.  Tell him how you have been feeling, and maybe you guys can do something (as another poster mentioned), may be a weekend getaway? Something to spark things up? 

You should also keep in mind that you are human, and it is perfectly normal to have a fantasy here and there, as long as you don’t act on it.

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your dad is right. For most people, the 20s are full of college, meeting new people, living on your own for the first time, roommates, new jobs, finding out who you are, etc. You skipped that and went straight to married.

BUT

The good news is that being “married” doesn’t mean that you have to miss out on adventures and meeting new people – you just have a partner in crime to do it with.

I think you should explore your interests. Join clubs/meetup groups. Take a fun class. Meet people, go out, have fun. Travel. Shake things up. If you feel like you are growing/making progress, you won’t feel like your relationship has to be all things to you (it never will be).

Post # 9
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

You need to talk to your husband. Part of a marriage is being able to communicate freely even when the content is hard and can even be hurtful at first. I can guarantee that you husband would rather of the sting of the conversation over the devestation of losing his marraige.

Your Dad probably does has a perspective in the right direction… it is common to feel that way when you wed young, BUT some of the marriages that I’ve most admired are those that never had “dating” b/c they grew up together and were the only one the other had ever dated. There is something really awesome about having that with someone… no baggage from other relationships and a security that you are known and held in high regard in the other’s heart.

Sound like you two just need to get back on the same page with each other and connect again.

Maybe see if something in ya’lls busy-ness could be dropped and you two could spend more time together…. becuase the time and energy you put into your marriage together in more important than the time and energy you put anywhere else.

Darling Husband and I just finished a really awesome marraige seminar series called “Indestructible Marriage” by Jimmy Evans w/ Marriage Today. You may want to look into getting and maybe set a weekly date time to watch it together. It has been one of the best Marraige teachings we’ve found and we will definitely be getting our own copy to watch & refresh throughout the years. It’s 60 bucks and the information in is worth more than the monetary cost… AND counseling & attorney costs are more than that per hour… it’s worth trying it for sure. =)

The things you’re feeling are not un-common by any means but I think that it’s crucial what you do with them in this time….. even considering an end to your marriage opens the door to becoming complacent and acceptant of the idea. I’d stop right away looking at anything that may give you a “way out” and just decide that you’re going to pull TO your husband as oppose to pull away from your husband.

There ARE marriages that make it to the end so that tells me that it IS possible to work through things like this a be even better for it. Goodluck 😉

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