Not sure if I want him to propose anymore…

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Then say yes!! 

Ps I do think he is going to ask soon 😊.

Also I might be younger than you but I waited a lot longer for a ring but I wasn’t going to let a ring stop me from being with the man I can’t live without 😊

Post # 3
Member
778 posts
Busy bee

You should have a discussion where you establish a timeline. It’s not his decision to make. It is yours as a couple and you can get engaged through a discussion or agree which one of you will propose. We need to stop pretending that surrise proposals are romantic since they are really damaging to relationships. 

Post # 6
Member
778 posts
Busy bee

bridget09 :  It doesn’t have to be on his court. You can have a discussion and agree that the engagement should happen by the end of April. Have you established that he should do the proposal or can you do it? Has he said he wants to get engaged which could prompt you to agree that you can plan a wedding. There doesn’t need to be a man on one knee. I get a feeling that you have an agreement of “someday” without discussing the specifics and you are resentful since his schedule is not the same as yours even though you haven’t agreed anything. Since at this moment you seem to be doubting the relationship, have you discussed it with him? Maybe taking some time to discuss with counsellor? That feeling won’t disappear with a proposal.

Post # 7
Member
43 posts
Newbee

 

bridget09 :  You haven’t really explained what his reaction was when these discussions would come up. Does he seem really hesitant, pressured, disliking talking about it etc? Or was he willing to set a timeline? To be honest if it’s been only a few months since you started directly asking for an engagement (and ‘hinting directly’ doesn’t even sound that direct……..) then he seems to be progressing pretty well. It does sound like he’s planning something.

You also have to consider if there’s an urgent need to get married asap — are you wanting to have kids soon? If so I can definitely understand your sense of urgency! Otherwise though think about why do you really want this? Just so he can validate your relationship? I remember when my SO was being quite hesitant I was jumping to engagement a LOT as a self-defense mechanism — I wanted him to prove we were OK because I could feel how distant he was. That’s not really going to help you feel closer though. It won’t fix anything. Focus on the underlying communication issues.

Post # 8
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

Why not just sit down and figure out when you want to get engaged? You can’t go into every date expecting a proposal.  He may just want to go on a trip with you to spend time with you before your new job? Why ruin that by having a fit over an engagement he may be planning to happen in the next six months? 

It sounds like you’ve kind of built up this proposal to be a big magical thing. That has to be a lot of pressure on the poor guy–and it doesn’t really sound like it matters what he does–he told you he’s looking into diamonds so the whole thing is ruined??? You’ve decided to be unhappy. You’re sabatoging the whole thing.

You can’t throw the ball into someone else court and dictate how it bounces. 

Post # 12
Member
778 posts
Busy bee

bridget09 :  When we say to discuas timelines we are not saying you dictate a date and he has to do it, but a discussion where you decide a timeline together that suits you both. Marriage is a decision that effects both of you and based on your writing you haven’t really discussed it but you are making a lot of assumptions and requirements. I understand that we have very different approach to proposals but I think that it’s time for a good talk and discuss your feelings and he can share his.

Post # 13
Member
17 posts
Newbee

bridget09 :  The problem here is your expectations. You want a surprise proposal (to the point you don’t even want to know he’s looking at rings), you wanted it in a specific timeframe and you wanted him to do it without you asking. All those things are really unlikely to happen. And now they haven’t you don’t want him to propose yet.

You want him to propose to you because he wants to marry you, not because he is being forced to propose. So what if he proposes tomorrow because he wants to marry you? Will you say no because you feel like you’ve pressured him (which FWIW, i don’t thing you have really form what you’ve said)?

I really thing the both of you should sit down and discuss this properly, like PPs have said. You can’t really blame him for not being on the exact same timeline as you when you haven’t discussed a timeline. I mean, it first came up last July, and then it was in a light hearted discussion. Maybe finances are holding him back.

I understand your urgency, and when something is this important to you I cannot emphasise enough how much you should have talked to him about it.

But based on what he’s said, I would guess he’s planning something. Which is another reason why, it you’re not feeling it, you should discuss this with him before he asks and you say no.

Post # 15
Member
17 posts
Newbee

bridget09 :  Yeah, from a man’s POV I’d say he’s been planning it. It may be that since your holiday to the Maldives and mentioning it last July that he has wanted to do it when you are on holiday, just the two of you, and from your opening post it’s not clear if you’ve been away since then. 

The pressure of a new job can be huge, so no it will overshadow it, it’s only natural.

It’s a shame he wasn’t on the same page as you before, but don’t hold it against him. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors