not sure if I want kids due to disability

posted 8 months ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
5558 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

ladyspectrum :  are you sure you can be on all of your meds while pregnant? My sister is bipolar and none of her meds are compatible with pregnancy

She also did not want to pass her genetics to children, her fiancé also has mental illnesses. She just got her tubes tied actually. A lot of it was because of the meds, but she also did not want to pass her illnesses on

There are a lot of environmental aspects too, though I’m not sure about autism and an environmental component. Your children can be predisposed to being bipolar and such, but they might never have problems.

My concern would be the medications. Then my next concern would be my ability to care for myself, before deciding if I can care for a child.

I am also not sure about cps taking your kids and you being watched closely because of a disability. That sounds horrendous.

Post # 4
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee

How disabled are you due to your autism and bipolar disorder? Are you both able to work or is that not possible? As you know autism is on a spectrum, some people are very high functioning with it and others are unable to have much independence at all and are very reliant on support for even basic daily living. Is your bipolar disorder well controlled by meds and are you able to continue taking them in your pregnancy? 

I think there are too many variables for someone based on the information you’ve provided so far to say whether they think you should have kids or not. Imo if yours and your partner’s mental health is stable and you’re able to function well with minimal assistance from others then I don’t see any reason (if your meds are safe in pregnancy) to not have kids if you want them. I do however, think if your bipolar disorder is not well controlled and/or you are heavily reliant on support for daily living it would be extremely irresponsible to have kids in that situation. 

Post # 5
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

Since you know you don’t want a child right now or for the foreseeable future I’d get an IUD to  lower the risk of unintended pregnancy and revisit the question down the road. Until then enjoy your life with your bf and perhaps get a cat! You can and should get another opinion on your medications if you decide you may like to be a parent. 

Post # 7
Member
5558 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

ladyspectrum :  I agree with pp, I think an iud would be a good option

Post # 8
Hostess
9633 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Stick with a longterm form of birth control like your Nexplanon or an IUD afterwards until you figure out what you want to do. There is no rule saying you need to undergo sterilization right now! All of your concerns are very valid. Especially so if you have a hard time caring for yourself, it’s natural to question how you would care for someone else. The fact that you’re even thinking about it says a lot about what a caring person you are. So don’t worry about making any long-term decisions right now – and if you’re seriously worried, maybe your partner would be open to the idea of a vasectomy, because it’s permanent but reversible if you both decide to change your mind.

Post # 10
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not familiar with the Nexplanon success rate–if that’s the case, great! You are set for now. 

I agree with PPs, parenthood is a big decision and not really a reasonable option until or unless you are more independent and self-supporting. You have time to decide.

If you enjoy children you may be able to volunteer to get your “kid fix”. They can be cute and fun and exasperating and difficult. They are absolutely expensive. I always love my children but some days I prefer my dogs. ; )

Post # 11
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think long term birth control sounds like the right solution until you feel more confident in your decision.  

I just want to add that everything you said is a great reason not to have kids…but it’s also ok not to have a “reason”, and to just not want them because you don’t. Your post kinda seems like you feel the need to justify your choice, but you don’t. No reason for not wanting kids is more or less acceptable than another. If it’s not for you for any reason, that’s totally ok. 

Post # 13
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

ladyspectrum :  I have read your other threads and I think you are smart to be thinking all of this through. One thing about having children–you don’t get to choose what you get. Many disabilities, including autism, do not show up on prenatal testing.

It sounds as if a part of you may have already decided that parenting isn’t for you, and that’s okay. It’s easy to fall into thinking perhaps we should want something because of societal expectations but there is no one right answer that applies to everybody, disabilities or not, and you don’t have to explain to anyone why you may not want to have children. If children stress you out and your bf is fine without them and you both love cats–start with cats. The thought of children stresses a lot of people out. It’s okay. Children can be very stressful. 

Post # 15
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee

Based on your previous threads, neither one of you are able to fully care for yourselves. So children at this time isn’t a good idea. That’s not to say you won’t improve in independence. Also, if he’s on disability & you’re planning on that too, your incomes will be very limited. Have you looked at the numbers to see if you could even support a family?

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