Post # 1
One of my closest friends just got engaged (woo hoo!) and she’s having a destination wedding. she’s a VERY laid back kind of girl so she isn’t into making big deals of things. she basically told me i was a bridesmaid by showing me the bridesmaid dresses she liked in a catalog and saying “which one do you want to wear” lol
I’m not sure if i’m maid of honor or not.. i’m not sure if she plans on having one or just a few bridesmaids. her mother has mentioned to me (not in front of the bride) that i will be Maid/Matron of Honor and i said i’d be honored but i’ll let her tell me that when she decides. she recently moved back home so the rest of her bridesmaids live in a different state and i’m the only one nearby.
my question is this: should i throw her a shower? i really want to. she’s one of my closest friends and i love her to death BUT i don’t want to step on any ones toes in case she makes one of the out of state friends Maid/Matron of Honor (which would be totally fine) her wedding is in about 11 months and there’s still time but i’d like to start planning ahead, especially since its a destination wedding. a lot of people won’t be able to make the wedding, just the shower. i’ve hinted about throwing a shower here and there and she hasn’t really responded to it. i would be MORTIFIED if her day came and none of her out of state friends gave her a shower so i feel like i need to step up.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t start any planning until you at least know who the other bridesmaids are so you can coordinate. Can you just ask the bride and tell her you want to start planning the shower? Don’t mention anything about the Maid/Matron of Honor title. Maybe she’ll get the hint that you’re anxious for more details about her plans 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia
In this case, I think it’s totally fine to just ask her directly, “Who is your maid of honor?” I think sometimes, when brides want to be very “laid back” it actually becomes confusing to everyone else.
For better or for worse, people need guidance. The bride has to be a little bit of a leader in that respect.
As long as she knows that you won’t be upset if you’re NOT the Maid/Matron of Honor, I don’t think there is any harm in just aking.
I am all for straight-talking. LOL
Post # 5
@DecoMeOut: I’ve hinted already mentioning things about a shower and joking about inviting her future Mother-In-Law (she’s super irritating lol) and she just laughs and never really proceeds with the convo. I’ve asked her straight out if she was going to have one or two showers (one here, one in the other state) she said she just wants one. I’ve been a Maid/Matron of Honor before to another friend so I think if I ask to do a shower she’ll assume I’m pressuring her and thats not what I want to do at all. I’m considering asking her mom, whom I’m very close to.
@Reeniero: Ha! I’m all about the straight talk too I just don’t want her to feel pressured in any way.
Post # 6
I’d just wait it out. You have plenty of time to plan a shower. If time goes by and you still don’t know- ask her for a list of names of the MOH/BM’s so you can email them and coordinate a shower for you. Every shower I’ve thrown has been a group effort with all the BM’s involved but if they are all out of state and its a destination wedding they may not come to the shower at all which would make you primary planner.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
It seems like she just recently got engaged, so you have a little while before needing to throw the shower. Ask the bride “who is your maid of honor? I’d love to know!”
Post # 8
I would wait to see whoo she chooses to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. If it is you, then by all means, start planning. If it is not you, I thinki t would be perfectly acceptable to offer help to the Maid/Matron of Honor, seeing as you are closer to where the party will be held.