(Closed) Not sure if I'm waiting, asking for a timeline

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  *hug*

“So happened to mention I was 26 and SO’s coworker said that we didn’t have to rush into getting married. He had plenty of time due to my age. This comment make me ridiculously furious. We aren’t getting any younger” this is poppycock. what are you supposed to wait around until you are 33 to start sounding the horn!? Ridic….

I say stick to you guns.

Just be honest with your SO. Tell him that while you want to move in together and buy a house you are firm in your desire to be in a offically commited relationship before taking on a 30 year morgage. Ask him, what does he feel need to happen before he becomes serious about making things offical. You can also let it be known you didn’t appriciate the above stated comment because it IS important to you.

after that, ball’s in his court.

Post # 4
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

i think that the next time he brings up the house, you could calmly bring up that you did not want to live with someone before you were engaged with a wedding date set, does he remember that conversation? above all try to be calm and if he says he forgot i’d try not to be upset about it.

the up side is that he is a good age for marriage and i bet that regardless of what anyone says he will propose when he’s ready and not a day sooner! he’s obviously thinking about your future.

Post # 5
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with PP, stick to you guns, but I also think it’s fair to have a timeline discussion. Frame the conversation in a way that doesn’t put pressure on him ie “this is what i’m thinking, are you on board with this?” or “I’m not trying to bother you about anything, but I wanted to have a grown up discussion about this” etc. 

Post # 6
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

“SO, you mentioned wanting to look at buying a house next spring. While I would be thrilled to be house shopping with you in the spring, I just wanted to remind you that I am not willing to move in with you, or take on a mortgage, unless we are engaged and have a date set for the wedding. So, if you are still wanting to buy a house with me I think we need to talk about when we can foresee getting engaged and/or married first (and what we need before that happens) even if it means house shopping happens a bit later!”.

Also, if the coworker’s comments still have you worried (I would not worry…I do not think she meant harm and comments like that will not stop anyone who wants to get married) I think you can also let him know that while you appreciate she had good intentions, she does not speak for you and what is important to you.

If he really is interested in a life with you, none of the above will scare him off or anything…unless you start frothing at the mouth or something! It sounds to me like he is interested in a future together with you, in any event.

Post # 7
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Great advice from the PPs so I second their comments.

Post # 8
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@RayKay:  +1

This is really great advice and a great way to approach it.

Also in relation to your question about WHEN to do it, I’d say do it now while it is a topic of discussion – I don’t think it will come across as “only wanting it because your sister has it” if you go about it maturely like RayKay suggested 🙂


Good luck!Smile 

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