(Closed) Not sure if my fiance is invited to my cousins wedding? Opinions?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do?
    RSVP for both of us : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Ask someone first and then send in the RSVP late : (44 votes)
    98 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9674 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    Don’t send in the RSVP for both of you, as it is not addressed to both of you. I would call the bride up to clarify, your fiance should definitely be invited!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree with PP. When you call the clarify you can rsvp over the phone (in the interest of time) and then also send the card back right away to be safe. Good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MedicBride2Be:  Perhaps they have a “married partners only” rule, for cost or space reasons. A bit rude in my opinion, but it’s their choice. If you call and ask the aunt, make sure it’s in a “we respect your decision but I’m just clarifying” way.

    Since it’s your cousin, you’ll know lots of other people so I see no reason not to attend. So if your fiance is not invited, just RSVP for 1. My husband got invited to a wedding (with his family, but without me) a couple of months before our wedding. He went without me. We survived.

    EDIT: Whatever you do, you can’t RSVP for 2 if only 1 is invited. Now THAT is rude.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    neither. you should respond to the invitation as it was issued and on  time.

     

    Yes it is rude of her to have not invited the other half of a social unit. but either asking, or replying for an extra guest is rude too.  There is no heirarchy of of etiquette sins.

    Asking her seems  simple enough, but it really puts the hosts in an uncomfortable spot. (Not saying it’s unjustified, but still not polite). 

    However, if you resond for just you (and I’d say no out of principle), and she meant to invite Fiance, they will call you and ask about him. 

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    also just wanted to add that by calling, you are either asking or implying that the host is stupid. did you mean to write just my name? Of course they did. 

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    12247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Were you a second-tier invite?

    I’m not going to lie… I would probably RSVP for both of us and see what they do!

    And I’m usually a HUGE stickler for etiquette, but…

    Post # 9
    Member
    6741 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Sounds like you were a B list invite and that your Fiance isn’t invited.  I would just go ahead and RSVP no. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    855 posts
    Busy bee

    RSVPing NO to a cousin’s wedding because her Fiance isn’t invited?

    Oh man, that just seems so unfair to the couple.

    We’re inviting cousins ONLY to the reception because we literally do not have any more room for +1’s.

    How close are you to your cousin? Can you call your aunt and find out the situation? Are they paying for it themselves?

    There are so many questions to ask, but RSVPing ‘no’ to a family wedding just seems so harsh to do without at least speaking to their parents about it first.

    I’d be devastated if one of Jack’s cousins said no because we didn’t invite their partner. His cousins take up a fifth of the guest list alone and giving them a +1 would just be so many people – we can’t do it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Never add on extras to an RSVP (I’m looking at an extra 6 people from my guests doing that) It has made my life very difficult as I don’t want to offend my guests but I can’t really fit anyone else in!

    Post # 14
    Member
    5475 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @futuremrsk18:  +1

    I wouldn’t DREAM of inviting someone in a relationship without the other part of the relationship.  If we didn’t have space or funds for both halves of a couple, we didn’t invite either of them.

    Post # 15
    Member
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here…

    Agree with andielovesj: this is probably not an oversight… based on the Invite (address & timing) it is being extended to just you.

    And also agree that calling anyone… just makes you look bad (and Rude).  Don’t be that girl.

    Reply based on the facts you have… Invite for 1… Go or Don’t Go.

    Personally, as much as I wouldn’t be happy about going to a Family Wedding without my SO… I’d probably go any how.  Because I just down right enjoy Weddings.

    Realize tho that isn’t everyone’s stance on the situation… some would just rather “make a statement” and not go.  But I’ve never understood that… not going and no-one potentially loses but you… going and having a good time, is the high road (and proves to the world that you are a capable independent woman who can go to a function without needing “a man ot lean on”).  Plus chances are someone is gonna ask “Where is your fiance ?” at which point there is no reason to lie “at home, he wasn’t invited” is a fine response… (unless someone like the Bridal Couple or your Aunt come up to you and apologize profusely for the oversight once they actually see you there flying solo)

    Personally, I’m in the camp that not inviting long established couples as a social unit is Rude (SOs, Couples Living Together, Engaged Couples and Marrieds).  BUT it is possible that the B&G in this case had their “cut off” point somewhere else.  Which is their perogative… but I’d see it as rude…

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Miss Jackrabbit:  I understand the importance of family, but I’m with the OP. my fiancé and I won’t be married until August, but as far as I’m concerned, he’s already my husband and my family now. We live together and share a life and for family events like a wedding, we’re a package deal, and there’s no way I’d go if Fiance wasn’t invited too. 

    The topic ‘Not sure if my fiance is invited to my cousins wedding? Opinions?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors