Post # 1
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
I will be lucky if my Maid/Matron of Honor & jr Bridesmaid show up to the bridesmaid luncheon, shower, rehearsal, rehersal dinner , & wedding! They are my FI’s sister and niece. I asked them and nobody else in order to get closer to them. They are always so busy and never even have time to answer emails or texts. My Future Mother-In-Law & myself are purchasing most of their items (clothing, shoes, etc.). They may not show up to any or all events if future niece has softball games or practices. Thank goodness I have my mom to help me. My Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t live here right now, so there is only so much she can do. Plus, only my mom sees my vision. I know they like me that is not the problem, the problem is putting sports ad activties before wedding events. I am not asking them to do anything, just show up. I know they have livves too ,but I’m still hurt. I had to select their dresses by myself and get their measurements, order them and pay for them. My mother & I will do all the DIY ourselves (mom is a floral designer). I just hope they show up. Thanks for listening to my vent
Post # 3
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
Do you really think they won’t show up to the wedding? I mean I get having other activities for the bridal shower, etc…but to now see her own brother get married?
Post # 4
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
How about asking some friends to be in your wedding, and telling the other two that they are no longer in the wedding party?
Post # 5
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
@Mrs.Lotus: No, if they have a game or practice they won’t be there. I would also be really hurt if they didn’t show up for the bridesmaid luncheon since it is to honor them. I am paying 100.00 a person for them. They only people invited are them and my mom & Future Mother-In-Law. I was already told that getting future neice a scholorship was more important than my wedding and seeing her brother get married. Futurre niece is only 10. If I had known this I would have asked a friend or my mom to stand up with me.
Post # 6
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
@peachacid: I can’t do that. It would be rude.
Post # 7
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@mrsrigsby60: It is rude that they are putting a game for kids over your wedding. They are choosing other things over your wedding; you can choose other people over them.
Post # 8
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
I don’t have anyone else. I am not close to any of my old friends. I distanced myself when I was married to my ex husband who was abusive so nobody knew about the abuse, There is nobody else to ask, I want a relationship with them after the wedding, so I have to think about that.
Post # 9
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
If you want them there, I would talk to them. Tell them how important it is that they are there. If they are still saying they’re going to go to a 10 year old’s softball game instead of your wedding, call the people in charge of the softball league. Find out who her team is playing that day, and invite them all to your wedding. Invite the team she plays for to the wedding as well. That way, they can’t play softball that day!
Post # 10
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
@peachacid: I have talked to them, but it is a delicate situation. I have to think of long term relationships. She plays on several teams. I would never invite a bunch of kids to my wedding. We are keeping it small. The last thing I want is a bunch of kids at my Afternoon Tea Reception. Plus at 75.00 per person that isn’t happening. I guess I will just have to wait and see. If they don’t show up they will look bad, not me.
Post # 11
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
@peachacid: Invite the softball team to the wedding? You must be joking! Could you and Fiance have a heart to heart with SIL, and explain to her that you need a commitment one way or the other ASAP.
Post # 12
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
So she did say she might not be at the wedding? If that’s the case, I don’t think it would be rude to ask someone else. It’s rude for her to not think her brother’s wedding was important enough to attend.
EDIT: Just saw you said it was more important for her daughter to get a scholarship. WOW. Can you have a backup BM/MOH who understands the situation? Or have your mother stand up as the Maid/Matron of Honor if she doesn’t show up? If not, I realize it’s sad but you don’t necessarily need to have an attendant. I’m really sorry about this. Wow…that’s so selfish of her. I understand certain things are important but to miss her brother’s wedding…that’s crazy.
Post # 13
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
@Mrs.Lotus: There is no one else to stand up. I’m not inviting any friends except one to wedding because it’s really small. Only 65 people. I can’t hurt my FMIl’s feelings by asking somebody else even if there was someone,(there isn’t).
My mom already has her dress and it’s yellow. My colors are ivory and green. I already purchased Maid/Matron of Honor & bridesmaid ivory dresses. Hopefully they will be there.
@winterbride1593: LOL I guess I will have to hope they are there. There is nothing else i can do. 🙂
Post # 14
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
It’s not rude to ask them to either commit to being in the wedding or to step down. Being in a wedding is agreeing to fulfill certain obligations, the least of which is to be at the wedding. If they cannot commit to that, then you should ask them to step down. It’s not rude. Accepting a job you aren’t willing to perform… that’s much closer to rudeness.
Post # 15
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
@mrsSonthebeach: To me it would be rude to that. It would be different if they weren’t FI’s family. I am not inviting anyone on my dad’s side except my dad of course. My dad is good with that because my grandmonster said it would have been better if I had stayed my abusive ex and been killed than have gotten a divorce. I have no problem cutting certain members of my “family” out, but not his.
Post # 16
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
I read your post then I looked at your wedding date which is April 2013. That’s over 9 months away! What is so important that cant wait?