(Closed) Not sure if this is okay or not.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2542 posts
Sugar bee

What about just doing a BBQ or having sandwiches, veggie trays, etc. at your house or another location? Fairly cheap for you guys and then they wouldn’t have to pay for themselves. Have a friend do the cooking. Not sure how many people there would be but I’ve done a BBQ for about 12 people for under $60

Post # 5
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Hmmm, it might seem a little odd to them since it could be regarded as an extension of the wedding. But, maybe if you mention it in a very casual way as if to say you guys just thought of going to grab a bite somewhere and if they are still hungry and would like to join you they are welcome to come along.

Post # 7
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it would strike me a little odd as a close family member/guest but agree that if it is presented casually that it is okay. Also, to follow up the casual nature, it might be best to have the dinner outing occur an hour or two later (little time buffer there) and to change and not be in wedding attire. Doing so will send the message all the more that it is not an extension of the wedding per se, but rather, a separate outing for everyone.

Post # 8
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it would be okay if you have someone else organize it.  Make it something that is very unofficial, no paper invites or anything, and maybe have your parents spread the word about it so it is not coming from you guys.

Post # 9
29 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

That is what we are doing!  Our ceremony is at 10am..so there is a brunch (with not much food).  We only have 50 coming…so we thought we would just tell them that anyone who wants to come to a restaurant later is more than welcome!  That way they don’t feel obligated to join –

Post # 10
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I may be in the minority here but if a bride and groom who are my close family invite me to dinner on the day they get married, I see it as an extension of the wedding. I think the idea of someone else spreading the word is a good plan. You mention that you all have Thanksgiving together, is it possible that you could get one of your relatives to host a casual dinner at their house? Ordering catering (sandwiches, salad and pasta) is not so expensive and would thus not require your guests to pay for their own dinner. If not at a family home, could you just have a catered dinner at the church hall? Maybe a local park if the weather permits? Especially if these people are traveling and helping you with set up, etc. I think it’s a nice gesture to treat them to dinner even if the food is not fancy or at a restaurant.

Post # 12
303 posts
Helper bee

@MzMarzipan: I agree with getting someone else to spread the word. It would make it seem less like a “wedding event” 🙂 By The Way, I think it’s a good idea, and I would totally be in if I got a casual invite like that.

Post # 13
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Could you perhaps use the money for the rehearsal dinner on the wedding dinner instead?  And then just have coffee/cake after the rehearsal?  

Post # 14
11392 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Opps posted on the wrong thread, sorry!

Post # 15
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you are having an early afternoon cake and punch reception, then you are providing refreshments appropriate to the time of day and have therefore satisfied your obligation to be a good hostess. [It’s not like you’re having a 6 PM ceremony, feeding people cheese and crackers and expecting them to fend for themselves for dinner.]

In this instance, I think a no-host dinner later that evening is fine, though I do agree with the majority that the only way to do this is to let it spread by word of mouth that you and your husband will be having dinner at X restaurant at X time and would love to spend more time with anybody who wants to come out.


Post # 16
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@chasesgirl: A way to thank people isn’t by having them pay their own way.  I think if you truely want to thank them, then you should be taking them out to a place you can afford or hosting them in some way. 

Weddings really are hosted events.

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