Post # 1
…but it’s affecting our relationship, so I’ll post it here.
For a good while now, I’ve been very unhappy in my job. When I wake up in the morning, my stomach clenches when I realize I will be coming to a place I hate. I lose sleep thinking about it. I’ve stopped talking to Darling Husband about it because I don’t want to be negative all the time, but he’s constantly asking me if I’m happy and trying to make me feel better. It’s always in the back of my thoughts..eating dinner or snuggling, I’m thinking in 10 hours I’ll be going back there… I force myself to think of other things, but I’ll find myself glancing at the clock and feeling a deep sense of dread. I’m willing weeks to go by so I can make it to the weekend, and it’s a horrible way to feel. Who in their right mind wishes time and their life to speed by? We get so little time…
Worst of all, this is my own fault. For various reasons, I chose to complete studies in a field I am not interested in. It’s a narrow field, so I am boxed in in terms of what jobs I can apply for. It was a stupid mistake, and I have often thought I should go back to school to get a degree in a field I am more interested in.
However, we have decided that when we have children (in the next year or so) I will be staying at home to take care of them. It’s what I want to do, so it seems silly to pay for a BEd when I will be leaving the workforce soon anyway. For that reason I have tried to just stay in my job and “tough it out” until I get pregnant, but it’s getting unbearable. I’ve “toughed it out” for over a year now and am questioning whether it’s the right thing to do.
My husband has told me that since he makes enough money for both of us, I should just quit and stay home. I am reluctant to do that, mostly because I feel it would mean I am lazy and selfish. I worry “what if he loses his job? In this economy it could happen” and I would have given up my job. If I’m being honest though, I mostly worry about what other people will think…She’s not working? She’s playing Suzie Homemaker while he has to work all day?… And my parents – they’ve always told me I should be able to depend on myself – this hardly seems like a step in the right direction. I don’t like the thought of hearing disappointment in their voices. They were so proud of me when I got my Master’s degree. 🙁
I’m so torn…I don’t know what to do and I don’t think I can be objective about it anymore or see things clearly. I need some outside advice and words of wisdom please.
Post # 3
You’re making yourself absolutely miserable! And for what? Because your parents are proud of your degree, a degree you don’t even want? And as for supporting yourself, you are able to do that. If the situation would arise where you would need to, you have these degrees and could get back into it and deal with hating your job at that time. But right now you don’t need to. If you would feel lazy, could you get something part time or just something to get out of the house but not a career type job. For example, my sister works part time in a book store for the extra income and just because she loves books. If you would be perfectly happy but worry about what other people would think, well, too bad for them. The only person whose opinion on this should matter is your husband’s, since it affects him, and he supports you! I know what it is like to be in a job you hate, and you are very lucky that you are financially able to remedy that if you choose. Don’t put up unnecessary obstacles to your happiness!
Post # 4
I think at the end of the day.. and I may sound like a hypocrite, because I really hate my job too. But Im only here for financial stability while paying off the wedding which is in august.
If you have the chance to get yourself out of the rutt and then do it, how bout working from home in a new feild? Start your own business? How bout a total change? You need to be PRO active! we spend so much time at work in this lifetime that you deserve to be happy at your work.
I see your point about the education thing. have you thought about doing a diploma from home like online? in a completely differant feild like a shortcourse or something?
Post # 5
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. At least it sounds like you have evenings or weekends off. It would be worse if you had to work evenings and weekends too…no eating dinner or snuggling or having a weekend to look forward to.
Is there anything you can do at work to hate it less? What exactly are the sources of your dread? What worked for me is trying to fix issues at work or at least change my attitude about it.
Post # 6
Well, I completely understand. I feel the same way about my job and it’s wearing on me. However, I am going back to school. I don’t plan on being a Stay-At-Home Mom though and Darling Husband wouldn’t want me to. We both feel strongly about us both working. I couldn’t handle staying home! But if you plan on staying home in the future, there really is no point wasting money (essentially, altho i hate putting it that way) going back to school. You can always start taking night classes when your kids get older or going back to school when they are in school. But getting student loans if you can’t get a job to pay them back isn’t financially wise unless your husband just makes bookoo, even then you’ll have kids. Can you get a transfer within the company? Talk to your boss about other opportunities perhaps? What do you specifically hate about your job?
For me, i hate working at a desk. I hate doing b-work paperwork, entering things in systems all day, writing work orders, and doing techy stuff in a cube all day. I want a person job. I want to make a positive impact. I know what KIND of job I want and have decided on what to achieve as a second bachelors that will allow me to have the kind of job I want. A lot of it is atmosphere for me. i want to DO stuff. With my hands. With people. I thought about what I liked about waiting tables (lame i know) and thought about the skills that other jobs have in common. I like to be busy, moving all day, and talking to people and dealing with them.
For me, it’s about the countdown. I can’t just up and leave my job. I am our sole income right now and it’d be foolish to just walk away without a solid back up! Do you think you’d get bored just staying hoem, doing nothign all day? Cuz i bet it’d be nice for a few days or weeks, but after awhile, you’ll hate it again! You’ll hate not contributing, you’ll hate being home all day, etc.
My parents are very disappointed in me. I’m an engineer and they’re all proud of that and they keep saying, “but EJS you make good money, you have a great job” and i’m just like, “look, if i had a great job, i’d want to stay. fact of the matter is i hate it, so it’s NOT a great job”, basically.
Post # 7
In every field of study and job, you’re going to learn “transferable” skills along the way. I’m not sure exactly how narrow your field is, but often even just HAVING a master’s degree in any subject shows things employers want to see. You obviously know how to research, and write and even just generally work hard to complete a goal. I say if you don’t want to drop out of the work force all together now, look around for a job to apply to that might make you happier. I suppose you could potentially take a pay cut, especially in this economy, but it’s probably worth it to your sanity 🙂 If I read correctly, you would ideally pursue a Bachelor of Education? My sister works in a rec center doing arts and crafts and after school sports classes while she’s taking her own degree and loves it. Maybe you could do something like that part time just to get out of the house and interact with people, and feel like you’re not playing “Suzie homemaker”.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I think if your husband has offered you the option of quitting and you’re really truly miserable, then you should quit and try to find a new job that lends itself to something you’d like to do, even if it’s only part-time…
Post # 9
Oh hon, this sounds absolutely awful. If nothing else, if you stay there, you’re going to give yourself an ulcer. I’m going through something similar and am waiting (hoping) for a job change, but if that doesn’t happen I’m working on a back-up plan.
Find something that makes you happy – volunteering, part time work, whatever. Start training in it (sometimes job shadowing is enough to get you in the door, you may not need a new degree). Then make the switch. That way you’ll have some experience before leaving your current job, and maybe it will give you something to look forward to “hey, I may be stuck here for 8 more hours, but then I get to do X”.
Post # 10
No job is worth the amount of misery you feel over it. It sounds like you have a wonderful, very supportive husband whose job would support you both. What if you quit your job and found some sort of volunteer opportunity until you have children? That way you wouldn’t just be sitting at home?
Post # 11
I’m with Trailmix — I’d rather see you quit your job and get a part time job at the freaking mall than keep going to a job that is making you so miserable! What you’re describing is way worse than just disliking your job — it’s affecting every minute of your life, and that’s not okay!
If you quit now, you can prepare your home and your body for parenthood. If you really worry about looking like you’re doing nothing, what about opening an etsy shop? Or volunteering somewhere? Find something that DOES bring you joy, and focus on that. You guys are blessed to be financially stable, please don’t let worry about other people judging you deter you from being emotionally stable!!!
Post # 12
Agree with previous posters. Quit your job and take a volunteer/apprentice/whatever kind of position you can get! Go to people’s offices and explain your position and that you’d like to gain experience. Leave out the whole baby thing right now, your goal is to get your foot back in the door for now. In fact, a part time job might be something you could keep/go back to after you have the baby if you decide staying home full time isn’t for you!
Good luck and keep your options open!
Post # 13
I agree – it’s no good to be so stressed out and hate your job that much, especially if you and your husband can financially afford to live on one income.
One idea – you say it’s a very specialized field – is that something you could work as a freelancer on, or a consultant? If you were able to work from home and perhaps more “pick and choose” your projects, you might be happier in that field. Even if you ended up working with the same company you work for now – still being able to work WITH them, and not FOR them (and not have to go into that workplace everyday), might make a huge difference in your feelings. Of course, I have no idea if this is possible in your specific field, but thought I would throw it out there!
Post # 14
Thanks for your responses. I feel better knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way, although I’m sad for anyone going through a similar situation. And good point about the evenings and weekends, Girlwitharing – I do have those to look forward to, and I am grateful.
Several of you asked what I hate about my job. I work in org. development. I sit at a desk and manage paperwork between implementing “special projects” – essentially a succession of ideas senior management grasp onto as flavors of the month. I develop the plans and strategies and begin implementation, only to be told to drop it (usually because they don’t want to pay for it anymore). This includes abruptly halting training programs for employees and other similar initiatives, leaving a sour taste in everyone’s mouth. Essentially, I pound my head against a wall. Four months ago, I unknowingly assisted in having several employees laid off by conducting work that I had been asked to do, purportedly for another reason. I felt duped and guilty. That was when my husband told me to quit.
I have requested different duties/assignments/opportunities, and had several candid conversations about how I’m feeling and what needs to change. The last time I talked to my supervisor about this, I told her bluntly that I didn’t know how much longer I could stay in a job I had grown to hate so much. She promised change, but months later it’s still status quo, if not worse. I have been aggressively looking for other opportunities, but have been unable to find anything. We live in a pretty small place, so the demand for my skill sets is not high.
I have thought about doing a 6 month course, and may go that route when the kids go to school. For now though, I’d prefer an option that doesn’t involve spending money on schooling, since it will only be another year at most until I leave the workforce.
If I were to quit, I couldn’t just stay at home. I would definitely get a part-time job to earn some income and volunteer. I currently volunteer and like the idea of turning that into more of a full-time endeavor to feel I am contributing to something worthwhile.
Writing this all out has really helped; I think I just needed to hear from someone other than my husband that quitting doesn’t sound crazy or selfish.
Post # 15
i also used to hate my job. i would cry on the way to work. i’d cry on the way home from work. and when it got to the point that i would have to close my office door because i was crying AT work, i realized that it just wasn’t ok anymore! so i discussed it with my fi, and he told me i should quit, it’s not worth it, it was affecting my health and my sanity, and we would be ok financially. so i did, at the time i thought i’d look for another job. but then we talked about our lives, and where we were going. we had our wedding and honeymoon coming up, and then we also wanted to start a family. i get bad migraines, which we thought might be an issue when i’m pregnant. i’ll have to get off my meds so we think i’ll get more migraines, and i don’t want extra triggers of stress of work and bright lights of the office and loud noise. so my fi said well, stay home now, plan the wedding, and then you can stay home while you’re pregnant. i don’t feel selfish or lazy for it. i have time to do housework and cook. i’ve been able to do way more diy for the wedding than i ever would have if i was working, saving us lots of money. i feel lucky for having such an understanding fi, and for actually being financially stable enough to do this right now. i just don’t think that i should be miserable in life when i don’t have to be.
Post # 16
I would go for your education now – especially a BEd because it is so conducive to having a family. And then when your kids get older and are in school you already have your degree and you can jump into the work force that you love.
Good Luck on whatever decision you make!