(Closed) Not sure what advice I could give my friend….

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is indeed rude of them to be invited to a part of the wedding (post-dinner dancing, in this case.)  All those invited to a wedding must be included in the entire event – ceremony and full reception.

If I received that sort of invitation, I would decline.

Post # 4
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

The time frame since he last saw these people is irrelevant if they chose to invite him. Also, it doesn’t matter if she has never met them. People are invited to (and attend, even) weddings in this situation all the time and they end up having a great time. However, it is rude to invite someone for dancing only. It’s a clear message that “oh you’re good enough to bring a gift and have a dance or two but you aren’t good enough to witness the most important parts of the day”. Decline the invite.

Post # 5
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is just a clarification question … is the couple mormon? I know with the mormon religion (and I am sure there are others) if you aren’t a part of the church you can’t be in the temple for the ceremony. So to include everyone, they have the reception separately and invite everyone. Just a thought!

Post # 6
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It is grotesquely rude to invite people to half a party!  If they couldn’t afford to host everyone for dinner, their only legitimate options were to cut the guest list, or alternatively, keep the larger guest list and scale back the plans.  If that means cake and punch at a non-meal hour, so be it.

As for what they should do, politely decline the invite and not send a gift.

Post # 7
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@MStivers:  But this couple isn’t having a small ceremony and larger reception; they are having a tiered reception where the A-List is invited for dinner and the B-List is invited to show up after dinner for dancing.  

Post # 8
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@Serey:  HONESTLY-I wouldn’t go. They didn’t even invite her to watch & witness the moment when they become husband & wife….so, clearly they don’t care to share their day with her. They just want her gift? Or maybe they like her enough for the party but not the sentimental parts…either way i’d be totally confused and turned off.  If your friend is asking you, i’d advise her not to go. 

 

P.S: I like the mormon wuestions because it is a good point. I am Muslim & we had our “ceromony” at our house….NO ONE was invited but the parents & siblings. So, I doubt anyone got offended seeing as we never invited them to half a party. We literally only have the reception…So, maybe give them reasonable doubt? But if they are having a cereomony & others are invited to it..yeah i’d be offended!

Post # 9
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I wouldn’t go.  A friend of mine told me about a wedding like this.  The ceremony was suppose to start at 2 but ended up starting at 3 then the Reception started at 5 for certain people.  If it wasn’t indicated that you were invited to the 5pm reception you couldn’t attend.  You had to wait outside until after dinner at which time the room opened up at 8 for everyone.

 

Post # 10
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whoa Whoa Whoa! Are we sure that they are only being invited to part of the reception? If the invitation says that the reception starts at 8, they could just be having a cake and cocktails reception for everyone. I wouldn’t assume that there is an A and B reception list based on the OP. If they are having a small private ceremony followed by a larger reception for everyone starting at 8 then I don’t think that’s rude at all. If they are being invited to just the end of the reception that is a little odd, but I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that they are inviting people just for presents (why do people always jump to that conclusion?) If you have a problem bringing a present because you aren’t served dinner then just bring a smaller present. Or don’t go. But we don’t know the situation or why they’re being invited in this way so I would figure out some logistics before assuming they’re trolling for gifts.

Post # 11
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, as somebody who is inviting additional guests to an evening reception, I clearly don’t think it’s “grotesquely rude” and I’m sorry some people would refuse to come… 

There could be any number of reasons for organising the do like this. For example, our venue can only seat a certain number of people for a sit-down meal, but can accommodate more for evening dancing. It also means I’ll be able to invite along some of my lovely work colleagues for a good party, which I’m sure they’ll appreciate more than having to sit down and listen to family speeches for three hours. My evening guests are more than welcome to attend my ceremony and I’d love them to be there, but I understand that they might not want to be sitting around in the pub opposite while the family meal takes place.

Maybe it’s different in the UK. This sort of format is pretty standard over here and I wouldn’t take it as an insult if I was invited to the evening reception.

(Edited to say I’m not actually having any gift registry info on evening invitations!)

Post # 12
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have invited people to the evening only, our venue only seats 100 people during the day, so we have invited a further 50 to the evening only, pretty standard over here I think.

We’re not doing it to get gifts, we’re doing it so that they can be part of our day too, we are having a one hour drinks reception for our evening guests and there will be a small buffet later on too, not selfish, just practical, and No we couldn’t afford a bigger venue, I’m going to a few evening receptions this year, and really looking forward to them. I went to 2 last year and had a brilliant time, got to see the bride, dance and have fun. 

I am also not expecting gifts from anyone attending the evening, I just want them to be able to share in our day even if it’s a smaller part of it. 

Post # 13
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@doorstopper:  I think your ideas sound great, but are totally dependent on the relationship.  I’m being totally frank and candid with some of my friends about my wedding “y’all are welcome to come to our Catholic Mass but if you don’t want to sit through it, please don’t feel obligated and you can just come for dinner and drinks later!”

The difference here is that this couple didn’t explain anything.  If they were inviting work friends or old college buddies for a party, they should supplement the invitation with a phone call to explain the situation.

Post # 14
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Serey:  I would be 100% sure you weren’t being invited to the dinner. My ceremony starts at 7 PM, cocktail hour will start at 7:30 PM, and dinner won’t be served until after 8 PM so you could very well be invited to the dinner. I find it odd not to be invited to the ceremony as well but, it could be a religious thing.

Post # 15
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think your friend needs all the facts before assuming that these people are gift grabbing. I have been to a few weddings which have started late. A couple of Jewish weddings that started at 7/8pm because of their sabbath. I also have been to another wedding that start at seven/eight because they weren’t serving a normal dinner it was a heavy appeitizers and cocktail party vibe, so they didn’t need a cocktail hour, or dinner hour, so they just had their cermony at 7:30 and the reception started at 8:00pm.

It is entirely possible that these people are having a small family only ceremony and a big reception, so if your friend finds that offensive and doesn’t want to attended then that is her choice. In that case she doesn’t need to say anything to the bride or groom just rsvp no and let it go.

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

From the sound of the OP, it looks like its clear on the invite that the couple is just invited for post-dinner dancing.

To the person from the UK who is doing this for their reception – if its a UK thing that’s fine, but mostly in the US you invite everyone to everything (with the exception of private ceremonies or ceremonies that do not allow people who do not follow that specific faith).  It basically says to me “You’re good enough to come dance with me and maybe give me a present, but not good enough to spend money on to feed.”

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