Post # 1
Here’s the deal bees, my bf was engaged once before me and it ended badly and he was very unhappy for the last month of their relationship. She came from a very rich family and was an only child so it seemed like they tried to control her life a lot. They didn’t approve of him and made it clear. We started dating and her behavior made it clear that she wasn’t over him, she was always flirting and asking him to do things for him. I told him that it was his choice but I really wasn’t that comfortable with the way she was acting and that when he did things for her (Like carrying things to her car every day like when they were dating) it was probably giving her the wrong idea. He understood and said that he would distance himself and eventually said he had stopped talking to her something that I hadn’t asked.
Well month later he left his facebook up on my laptop and I texted him teasing that I was going to hack his status and make it something silly when all the sudden she messaged him. I thought it was strange but maybe she was just trying to get him to talk to her again or something but then I saw a previous message… she was saying that even though she is in a new relationsip she still had feelings for him. She was acting like they had been talking.
I’m not proud of what I did next bees but I pulled up their conversation history and they had never stopped talking… Not only that but he had been acting flirty back when she did and he had been sharing details of our relationship with this woman. I was so shocked and hurt and there were IMs that sounded like they were doing something physical but never out right saying it. At one point he told her he’d cheated on me with some one else.
I was so stunned I just stared at my computer for a few minutes before I copied all of it onto a word document. I called him and confronted him and he said that he was just “messing with her emotions” and that he was trying to get revenge for the way that she had treated him. She had offered to sleep with him during our relationship and they had set up a meeting place or something but he said he did that so he could just not show up which apparently he did and she said so when she messgaed me wondering why my bf had suddenly blocked her andhis only explanation was that I was very upset and it was an easy choice between her an me.
He’s said he’s sorry a million times I just honestly don’t know what to think of this behavior. I know this is really long but I just needed to vent some where. Thanks to any one who reads this all the way through. If any of you have any advice I could really use some about now.
Post # 3
@MissouriBee: His responses are crap, it’s inexcusable. DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. If you truly meant that much to him, he would have simply cut her out of his life. This whole excuse of stringing her along to get back at her???? SUCH OBVOIUS BULLSHIT. Everything points to him not being faithful to you (even if he never slept with her, it doesnt mean his actions weren’t unfaithful). He continued a relationship with this girl without your knowledge – THAT IS UNFAITHFUL. Dump his sorry ass.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry, that sounds like an awful experience…
What was his explanation for saying that he cheated on you with someone else? And why is he being so vindictive? I really hope there’s nothing insidious going on, but I have to say that I’ve always believed love and hate to be very close, the only true antithesis to having feelings for her would be total indifference. Please just listen to your gut, it will always tell you when something isn’t right… and tell him that no matter whom it’s toward, that kind of behavior makes him look bad more than anything else.
Post # 5
OK, there are 2 options here:
1) This guy is telling the truth and this should be a SERIOUS red flag. Who the hell plays games like this? Let’s assume he did go through all of this for all this time just to get revenge on her – what kind of a person does this make him? Certainly not a mature one. Why would you want to be with someone that plays games and is a vindictive backstabber?
oe 2) He’s lying through his teeth. He cheated on you, betrayed you, LIED to you, disrespected you, forgot about you on several occassions it seems and now he’s trying to manipulate you. Run far, far away. NO good will ever come of this.
I’m so, so sorry. 🙁
Post # 6
Hmm I have to go with hes lying to you. Even if he wasn’t, who does that? I’m sorry you are going through this and I hope you can either work it out with him (counseling maybe?)…good luck!
Post # 7
@yellowismyfavoritecolor: agreed, though I`m leaning like 10% and 90% respectively.
Either way OP, would you want to marry option 1 or option 2? I know I wouldn
t...so sorry youre going through it.
Post # 8
@Taeyers: he said that he wanted her to think that he was a terrible guy. I can’t really follow his logic. The thing is he is a TERRIBLE liar. When I think about it he avoided the subject after he said they weren’t talking. Which isn’t better but I can’t always tell when he’s lying (about silly things he’s never lied about anything big before) and it doesn’t seem like he’s lying. Maybe I’m too close to the situation…
Post # 9
@MissouriBee: I can definitely see why you’re confused…
How does he treat you? Is he always really good to you, or is it plausible that he may have cheated and lied? Does he seem remorseful about being such a wang, or does he get defensive? Again, there’s no way to know for sure, but just be true to your gut feeling. Honestly, I would probably spaz out and tell him to immediately sever all communications with her and show me proof. Even if he didn’t do anything, he should know exactly how much his words and actions had potential to hurt you. I’m reluctant to insist that you end your relationship, but the responses from other posters indicate clearly exactly how suspect he’s being. And not that it needed to be said again, but if he’s really this type of person, he better worship you and treat you like a goddess, or I’d walk away. He sounds like he’s got some serious problems with playing mind games.
Post # 10
@yellowismyfavoritecolor: i agree.
either way, he’s a loser. you deserve better.
Post # 11
@Taeyers: He’s always amazing besides this! He spoils me like crazy and he never got defensive. He felt terrible from what I can tell and he listened to me yell and rant and cry without defending himself. He explained why he did it said it was a mistake but never defended his actions because he says he knows that he was terrible.
Post # 12
@yellowismyfavoritecolor: +1. This. This this this.
Either he cheated on your or he is being horribly manipulative, cruel, and vindictive to this girl. Either way, run.
Post # 13
He’s lying. End of story. I can’t tell you what to do, but I would be out before he could come up with a more believable lie. I’m so sorry that all of this happened to you, babe— you don’t deserve it at all. There’s too many honest guys out there who would give you what you deserve. Don’t waste your time.. it’s the only thing you can’t get back.
Post # 14
I’m sorry. Please run away, you deserve better.
Post # 15
I don’t really know what to say that hasn’t been already said but *BIG GIANT E-HUG*
Post # 16
@MissouriBee: As Dan Savage would say, “DTMF.” Lose him, love.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’m sorry he did this to you– but this has to be a dealbreaker. Forgiving him, getting back together, etc. just lets him know that you’ll tolerate this behavior. If you won’t (I hope you won’t) don’t. Move on.