(Closed) Not sure what to do…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My suggestion is to continue with the wedding planning.

My bf and I have had the same issue, cause he works 12-hour shifts, and I don’t work atm.  We got to the point where we only discussed job and wedding.  It got me to the point where I’d cry randomly.  We decided to have a weekend that we couldn’t discuss anything heavy, just talk about us, flirt, and have fun.  I am not kidding you, even one weekend was a life saver for us.  It took us no time at all to feel that fun flirty, but deep connection that we feared we lost.

You said that you know you love him, and you know he loves you.  You know you want to marry him, don’t make things more difficult by pushing off the goal you both reallly want.  The big question is, do you have faith in your relationship? If you do, then there’s nothing else to ask, just enjoy your relationship and set aside time where other problems are not allowed.

Have dates, go out to coffee, just be a young couple.  This is one of THE most important things about wedding planning, is to not forget eachother in the process. Love on him, and let him love on you 🙂

Post # 6
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Honestly, you’ll always be working on your relationship.  A couple months of counseling isn’t going to instantaneously improve everything.  Relationships, as you know, are a work in progress.  So, if you know that Fiance is the one you want to spend your life with, then don’t delay! 

Post # 8
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

First off, I just want to say that I think that you guys are pretty amazing to be able to have an open and honest conversation like that and make the committment to making things better. I think that’s the key to a successful relationship.

That being said, have you talked to him about what he’d like to do? If he also still feels committed to planning then I see no need to postpone. 

Post # 10
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I don’t think you should look at the wedding as a deadline.  As PP’s have said, you’ll be working on your relationship forever.  It’s impossible to tie up all issues before marriage.  What makes marriage marriage is that you are promising to be committed to each other and to work through things together – that implies no deadline but a continual growth and change.  You’re not at the climax of your relationship when you marry, you’re at the beginning so one would expect for there to be struggles.  What matters is that you’re going to counseling and that you both have realized there’s a problem, want to fix it, and are fixing it.  I think if you take away the idea of a deadline you’ll both feel pretty relieved and more willing to work on the situation instead of being overwhelmed and pressured.

Post # 11
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hmmm, well here’s what I think (and remember I’m just a stranger online!) but it sounds like you guys have been talking and thinking A LOT, which like we said before is important, but it also sounds like it’s really draining. What about you take a night off of evaluating and go on a date? No analyzing about your future and your current issues, just simple date. I like the idea of taking pressure out of the equation and just enjoying each others company for a night. 

Just a thought but I think it could help.

Post # 13
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@Texacali:  You’re welcome!  I’ve only been married for 9 months and we’ve already had our “up’s and down’s”.  This ideal that I had in my mind that marriage would be like a fairytale was untrue.  I suppose all of my married friends were right!  lol  As much as I LOVE him, I have learned in this short time that we have a lot to work on and learn about one another.  Respect, appreciation, passion, and communication are vital to a healthy relationship..and I know we’ll have to work at it all of the days of our lives!  Blessings on your future marriage!!

Post # 14
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Texacali Perfect! I hope you have an amazing date and can truly sit back and relax for an evening.

p.s. I LOVE that place too 🙂 

Post # 16
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am super bad with advice and words of encouragement, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time. You seem very strong and mature, knowing that if it is meant to be it will be. Good luck with everything, keep smiling =)

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