(Closed) Not sure what to do about family issue

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow… this is a difficult situation that you are in. What I would do is basically say to your cousin exactly what you have said here. Take her out for coffee, tell her that you can kind of understand where she is coming from but that you do not have the best relationship with your dad so do not feel comfortable asking for his money. Explain that you are independant and do not need money from anyone to help host your wedding and that you will make do with what you have. Tell her you love her for looking out for your best interests and that makes you so happy that you chose her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. And then hopefully that will be the end of it 🙂 

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@dcruz72:  PP made a good suggestion. Also, I would tell cousin that the idea of parents paying for weddings is really a fading trend. To have complete control, many couples pay for their weddings themselves. That being said, you are not a 21 year old girl in college but an established woman with a career and her OWN money.

Post # 5
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

How old is your cousin, and is she married?

It sounds like she has this romantic notion of weddings, and traditions around them.  The bottom line is your relationship with your father is none of her business.  Honestly, at 40 years old, I would find it odd to expect parents to pay for a wedding.  I’m in my late 30’s, and I would never expect my parents to pay for anything (my mother wants to pay for my bridal attire, and hinted at chipping in towards my photographer, but she’s insisted on that since we got engaged).

I would be very upset with someone trying to run interference in personal relationships (parents, Fiance, siblings, etc). It’s between you and him, and if you’re not complaining, it’s not for her to take issue with it.  She needs to realize that by interjecting herself, she is probably going to create problems for you and/or your mother.

She sounds like she’s young, still lives at home, doesn’t understand the realities of getting married later in life or the tightrope that is dealing with parents in conflict with each other.  In a firm but gentle way, you need to explain to her that you appreciate her concern, but it’s none of her business and if she pursues the path she seems determined to follow, she with create problems and difficulties for you and your mom.

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow really. First of all even if it’s her parents her house how you are paying for your wedding isn’t any of her business at all.

As for her parents, they are doing you a favor, a fair compensation for them is perhaps doing some yard work/landscaping and this would be great for your wedding and for them. However that is a discussion that needs to happen between you, your fi, and you aunt and uncle it’s none of her business.

Be firm and stand up for yourself. Call her and say I’m handling the money for my wedding. Tell her you don’t need her to speak to your father, and basically she needs mind her business. Her behavior is insulting. I would call your father and tell him to ignore any phonecalls. Or tell him if she calls he should inform your cousin that you guys have spoken and she should direct any questions to you. If you have to, ask her parents to speak to her.

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