(Closed) Not sure what to do about this friend driving me nuts

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Zenostar:  Have you cut her hair at your house before?  If not, I would just tell her that’s not something you do.  Try to keep it to her seeing you at the salon, that way it should be obvious that she needs to pay or make her pay up front.  Awkward, but that’s what she’s forcing you to do.  

Post # 5
1247 posts
Bumble bee

@Zenostar:  Tell her is she flakes again,  you have to discontinue service.

Post # 6
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I realize this might sound like a big leap, but is she into drugs? so much of this is just super strange and there seem to be a lot of common signs for drugs here. It almost sounds like she’s compulsive about this hair thing, ok, then what on earth is making her push them all off? What reason did she give you for insisting on coming to your house? What if you just say, “I’ve stopped taking clients at my house.” That whole thing also makes it sound like maybe they WANT to come to your house for something shady… And then also, who asks someone to provide a service with NO money. I’ve been broke before – crazy broke – but I knew that going in and wouldn’t expect someone (even a friend) to provide me a service for free when I had NO money. And times where I’ve had no money at all, my hair was the last thing on my mind. And usually being completely broke doesn’t necessarily change overnight. 

Anyway, I feel you OP, but you have to protect yourself here. I think the next time she calls at an inappropriate time, you should say, “X, I’ve asked you not to call this late/early. I will not respond to any professional calls outside the hours of A-B.” Then never answer the phone again during that time. Delete the texts. 

“I also will not be using text messages to do appointments. I don’t have time for the back and forth. Please call.” (Because that is also insane. Would you text the doctor for an appointment? No). 

When she tries to have it be at your house, “I’m no longer taking clients in my house. I’ll come to yours, when works?” 

When she finally books an appointment, “Ok great. But we’ve had too much back and forth in the past. If you don’t keep this appointment, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to discontinue service.” 

When she tries to not pay you, “I’m sorry I’ve been lax about this in the past, but this is my job. I need to be paid today.” 

Can’t pay you today, “That’s too bad. I can’t continue to cut your hair. I’m sure you understand.” 


Rinse. Repeat. I know you don’ want to damage the friendship, but she’s the one damaging it by taking advantage and it sounds like so far you’ve let her. You’ll have to retrain her, and the best way to do that is to separate your personal relationship from your professional relationship and treat her like you would any other client. And I’m guessing you wouldn’t put up with this crap from another client. 

Good luck!


Post # 7
142 posts
Blushing bee

This is waaaaaay to much trouble.  Continue to be her friend but tell her due to the history of cancelled and altered appointments, you can no longer do her hair but you would recommend blah blah and leave it at that.  It’s simply not worth the trouble.

Post # 8
2945 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am a little too honest for my own good some times, so my reply would be thus;

1. I will not cut your BF’s hair.  I do not want him in my house for personal reasons. 

2. If you can’t pay me up front, I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.  This takes my time, and I really need to get paid for it.

3. If you text me at an inappropriate time again, I will stop cutting your hair.

Also, if you have an iPhone, there is a helpful thing called “Do not disturb”  My Fiance and I both have it set up.  The only people who can call us in “Do not disturb” mode are people who will only call us with an emergency, and people who we will help in an emergency (Our parents, sibblings, Brother-In-Law, and his best friend)  We both set it up after an insomniac friend texted me at 3:00 in the morning because that was the time he was up.  He learned his lesson, but we are now “better safe than sorry.”

Post # 11
2517 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Honestly, she doesn’t sound like she’s much of a friend.  She actually sounds like a pain in the arse client.  She sounds like she’s more trouble than she’s worth as a client at that!  The others have given you great advice on what to say.  I, personally, would have been done with her as a friend and a client ages ago.  You are willing to put up with more than I am.

Post # 12
982 posts
Busy bee

@Zenostar:  I would just say ‘sorry, I don’t do (or will no longer be doing) haircuts at my house. I have to make a living and I need payment up front. Thanks for understanding’. I wouldn’t directly come out and say you don’t want the boyfriend in your house, as she’ll likely get offended and tell him. 

If you have an iPhone, you can also change her message alert to ‘none’, so all her messages will come through as silent. This is very useful for me, as I’m often in group chats with my family and my sister is overseas and 3 hours behind us. I don’t want to put my phone on silent in case someone calls due to emergency, so this is a great function to have. Especially if you have friends who take no notice of the time when they hit send!

Honestly, she sounds like a bit of a moocher. Like they say “Those that bite the hand that feeds them lick the boot that kicks them”. She sounds like she has way too much self inflicted drama going on to bother with.

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