(Closed) Not sure what to do – elope or DW or what? Please give opinions

posted 8 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think there will be many opinions on this.

I personally think that if you dont invite people to the wedding you shouldnt have a formal “reception” or other bridal activities and a registry a few months later.  You can certainly have a “celebration of our marriage” and people can choose to bring a present, but it should not be expected or planned for.

If you had a private ceremony with only immediate family and then a larger reception immediately following, then I think its much more OK to have the whole shebang.

Post # 4
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

We are doing a similar concept. We are getting married in a super small intimate ceremony in his parent’s backyard in two weeks, and due to financial and family reasons we are waiting until March to do our big “celebration of marriage” shin dig. We aren’t going to register for gift and we are keeping it pretty simple. I will be wearing a dress however, and we are going to have a second vow renewal ceremony. We also will have a bridal party. Not sure if we are going to do a cake, but I would say if you want to, more power to you! We are just going to do a simple buffet style dinner and dessert reception with light music playing in the background while people mingle. No dancing, dj or band at ours (but that is mostly to save money.)

I say, do whatever makes you happy. There really are no “rules” on what you have to do here. Do what feels best to you!

Post # 7
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Have you thought about a small restaurant or backyard wedding, it can be cheaper, non-traditional but still formal. And if you backyard/park as your venue, it would give an opportunity for your chef to show off a bit.

Post # 9
4824 posts
Honey bee

The reason I would say no bridal shower and registries for people not invited to the wedding is because you chose to have these people not be involved. I would be a little insulted if I wasn’t ‘”special enough” to attend the ceremony, but its OK if I give a present. I would feel a little used if that was what was expected. However, if it were left up to me (and there was no shower etc) I would probably still give a gift, albeit smaller than a wedding where I attended the ceremony.

I think a celebration is just fine and a lot of fun, but the gift giving should be left up to guests if they want or not want.

There was another post how some friends weren’t coming to a belated reception a year after the wedding. It just loses some of the initial excitement for guests if you are newly wedded. I think this is why some people would be put off being expected to go to a shower or give a wedding gift if they couldn’t be at the ceremony.

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