(Closed) Not sure what to do. Found pics of FI and his ex on my computer.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you have every right to be upset, and you should confront him about them.  It’s really inappropriate that he would save them, and even more so that he did it on a computer that you two share.  Even if they’re old…he still moved them. 

Sit down and give him a chance to explain before you do anything else.  And then, only you will know what to do from there.  Good luck, hun, I’m sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 4
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is it a concern of yours that these might be current pictures?

It’s also kind of strange that they are in a Word document.  I would be absolutely livid.  I probably would have reacted the same, and i think it’s best to wait until you figure out what to say exactly, and him as well.  

I wish I had better advice…but i usually act pretty rash when it comes to things like this :/

Post # 5
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First, I’m sorry that this happened. No matter how or why it’s awful to see your SO in photos like that even if it’s from before you were together.

I’ve moved files from one computer to another before and all I do is grab folders and start moving them. I rarely go in doc by doc and check each one. He may honestly have forgotten about it and just grabbed and moved the whole thing. I mean if he knows you guys share a computer you’d think he wouldn’t move that particular file over, you know?

 

Post # 6
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had something similar happen to me.  One of my FIs exs has the same name as me, we bought a new computer and each moved files across to it.  I was searching for something specific and used my name in the search.  Then found a folder of photos of the two of them together.  I was so pissed off.  I stewed on it for a few days, and kept going back to see if the folder was still there.  Finally I exploded all over him.

We had a really long talk, and he told me that he moved a heaps of folders across.  And it was a folder inside a folder inside a folder that he had totally forgotten about.  And I believed him, and he deleted them.

My advice to you is to talk to him to see if it was an innocent mistake.  Let him know how upset you are and let him be totally honest with you.

Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Innocent until proven guilty!  I too would just copy over folders en masse.  Just ask him about it, explain your feelings, and ask him to take action – whether deleting permanently or moving to a different computer. 

Post # 8
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

That’s a tough one. Is it at all possible that he just did a general back-up & transfer of files from one computer to the other, and didn’t actually pick & choose to transfer that file “on purpose”? Maybe it was in a file folder that he copied over, but he hasn’t looked at it since he was with that GF?

I’m sure that if he did transfer the files purposefully and/or looks at the file regularly, it’s not emotional. But I totally understand why you would be so hurt.

Post # 9
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ask him about the file and make sure he deletes it and anything else similar. As long as he doesn’t do anything else suspicious, give him the benefit of the doubt. Like PP said, he probably just copied everything from the old computer to your laptop, rather than specifically selecting this file to copy.

Post # 10
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Before overreacting talk to him abot it he may not even be aware they are still there he may just of transferred everything without going through them.  Sorry you had to see them ((hugs))

Post # 11
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just ask him what the deal is and hear what he has to say. It really could have been an accident. If it seems that there is something off with his explanation, then I would worry.

Post # 12
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

I have old pictures of my ex’s on my computer.  IF i moved things over i would just move everything not knowing.  

You shoudl discuss it with him, it could be an honest mistake. He will probably admit he didnt know they were there and delete them. 

Post # 13
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would be upset! it totally hurts your pride  but i think you need to take the high road here and to give him the chance to explain and delete them before flipping out – he may have just moved all his stuff over without thinking what may be on there. I shared a laptop with my husband before getting married and he had tons of pictures of his ex on there (though none of them doing it! thank god!) and one night i made a folder called pictures of my stupid ex girlfriend and moved them all in there. He got the hint and deleted them all. Either way he needs to delete them and apologize that you had to be the one to find them.  he may be super embarrased to even bring it up…but i would def let him know how it made you feel.

 

Post # 14
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

When I found them last night I just left the file open and gave him the laptop, went to bed.

Ok, first that’s awesome. I’d be pissed and I really can’t think of a better way to let him know you know. Second, maybe when he was moving files he didn’t really know what he was moving? Obviously you need to talk to him and find out the truth. You have every right to be upset. Its one thing to save old pictures but its quit another for them to be sex pictures. He has a lot of sucking up to do.

Post # 15
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

He may have copied them over not even realizing they were there… however, that is at least unsettling. I would hope that your Fiance would delete pictures like that after starting a relationship with you, but perhaps he really did just forget about them. I think you should confront your Fiance about this.

Post # 16
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve actually done the same thing your Fiance did to my current FI’s computer. When I did a mass exodus of files, alllll of my files went over there. Including some I didn’t intend to ever be seen again. Why did I have those files? Oh because I was too lazy to remember that I had them and delete them. Fiance eventually found them and I was in the dog house for a couple days.

I couldn’t imagine anyone being so stupid as to put blatant evidence of past romances on their FI’s computer. I’d assume innocence unless you have more suspicious behavior.

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